


Under Your Wing

by JunkratsBitch



Category: overwatch
Genre: Altered Mental States, Angst, Borderline Personality Disorder, Cute, Dealing With Loss, F/M, Fluff, Heavy Topics about Depression, Loyalty, Mental Anguish, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Older Man/Younger Woman, Post-Fall of Overwatch, Reader is a fangirl basically, Reader-Insert, Romance, Self-Insert, Sigma/Reader - Freeform, Slow Burn, a little out of character sometimes, dealing with depression, falling in love without realising it, reader is a nerd, sigma is a gentleman
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-07-25 12:00:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20025460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JunkratsBitch/pseuds/JunkratsBitch
Summary: You applied to the most sought after scientific institution for an interning job that specialises in Astrophysics. You had just finished your years long journey for your Ph. D and you knew you had to start somewhere. You assumed that you wouldn’t be accepted for the position since you were just one person out of thousands and don’t have tons of experience working at an institution, yet the universe was on your side that faithful day.Now, you work diligently under the man you’ve admired for years, Siebren de Kuiper. It’s a dream, and nightmare, come true.





	1. Coffee Run

* * *

“Excuse me, pardon me, sorry—“ You say as you stumble over yourself and push through a large crowd of people. You squint as the sun shines upon the bustling streets and sidewalks of the Netherlands. It makes you think of the insignificance of yourself as you pause for a second to watch life go by. 

You quickly shook that thought from your head and remind yourself that you’re striving for greatness with this internship that the universe mercifully graced you with less than a week ago. The internship that you dreamed and prayed for since you were a child in grade school. Though at the moment the only responsibilities you were often given were coffee runs, organising files, running papers to other labs on different floors, and other smaller tasks. You constantly tell yourself that it’s for the greater good. Every role plays an immensely important part regardless of how “_insignificant_” it was deemed by your family. 

You enter the café and pass those busy with their own agendas. You order four lattes, three iced coffees and one single black coffee. You gave the money that your mentor gave you to the cashier who talks you in his native tongue. You decide not to respond since the sparse Dutch you know wasn’t enough to hold a decent conversation, so you just smirk and nod. 

Soon you’re speed walking back to the facility down the street and back into the lobby, up the elevator and into the top floor with labs that held the greatest inventions with their creators. You held your ID card to the system and the doors slid open, you step into the hallway. With one hand balancing all the drinks you use the other you open the first door to your left and walk into the neatly kept lab. 

A woman with short black hair, tanned skin and vibrant green eyes beams to you; “Ten minutes! A record for an intern and it’s only your 5th day, I’m impressed.” 

You huff a grin and give her the iced coffee. “Really? Fetching coffee was an obstacle for previous interns?” 

Doctor Fleur giggles and raises her brows, her lips brush against the lid of her cool refreshment. “You wouldn’t believe. Hurry now, Doctor de Kuiper is much kinder when he has caffeine in his system.” 

You move to the lab next door and then to the next until finally you return to your idol, the man you’re interning under. Your shadow casts behind you while you walk up behind him, sparks glow from his station that’s littered with tools and scraps of metal. A tool in his right hand hums moderately. You feel the squirm of excitement in the pit of your stomach that you suppress in order to keep your poise.

It feels like a dream to you, a week and a half ago you were working at an office job in London and now you’re in the Netherlands chasing your dreams at one of the most coveted science facilities in the world.

“Doctor,” You say over the noise. The tool clicks off and he turns to you, his left calloused hand pushes his wielding mask upwards. You met steely grey eyes that held sternness and his sharp features that held a bit of wisdom to them. You smile and held his coffee to him, his usual cold expression turns to one of gratitude. 

“Ah, thank you, Miss L/N.” He grabs his drink from you and his fingertips brush your small hand for a second. You swallow and nod, now turning your focus to organise his files strewn across his desk from a research session from earlier this morning. 

You curse at the giddiness that roars in your chest whenever he smiles at you or even spoke to you while you tab through his papers. Yes, all throughout high school and some time into your early to late twenties you crushed on him to the point where you denied any attempts made by men and boys alike. No one had ever compared to the greatness of Siebren de Kuiper, who also inspired you to conduct your own experiments and research. He inspired you to pursue your passion and push through the doubts of almost everyone in your life. You recall fondly the countless sleepless nights you spent watching his seminars on your laptop in your high school and college years.

Everything he was and still is what you wanted in a man but you wouldn’t dare to say it to him. Your work came first and his work was far more important than any frivolous relationship. You’re there to discover the possibilities of the universe, not to ogle over him. Yet that didn’t stop you from daydreaming from time to time about slice of life situations, such as your hands brushing over each other as you worked side by side and maybe it’d lead to something more. 

You feel heat bloom across your cheeks and your breath catches in your throat. You shook your head and immediately brought yourself back down to Earth, you staple a stack of documents together and put them in a filing cabinet. 

_ Quit your childish thoughts_, you scolded yourself. _ This is the greatest mind in astrophysiology and you dare have a crush on him? Ridiculous. _

“Could you help me, Doctor L/N.” The doctor’s voice cuts through your clouded mind. You turn to him and he pauses his mending, his eyes connect to yours. You fight the shiver that threaten to crawl up your spine. 

“Of course.” You answer eagerly. He held a pair of gloves and goggles to you, you slip them on. You aid him by holding a metal piece in place as he uses two separate tools at once to mend it. You watch the sparks flutter between you two and you make sure they don’t land on your pristine white coat. 

“That worked beautifully, just as I expected.” He says before he shut off his tools. “Do you know what I’m working on that requires so much time and hands, Miss L/N?” 

You’re taken aback by his question for half of a second and answer; “Yes, I studied your notes last night. You’re attempting to create a contraption that’s able to sustain the unrelenting power of a black hole.” You explain as you grow more enthusiastic. “You touched bases on this topic ten years ago and everyone thought you were crazy yet you persevere, while I support your work unconditionally I foolishly once thought it impossible, too.” 

The mentor grins before slipping his gloves off of his hands. “You’re correct on both statements, society is often doubtful of progression in our field simply because they cannot comprehend it, nor bother to.” He sighs and sips his coffee. He continues; “Do you know why I chose you out of two thousand applicants?” 

You hesitate to answer, the question is odd but you would never dare to ignore him; “Not entirely sir, I may have the same Ph. D as you there isn’t anything necessarily standout-ish about myself.” 

“Oh nonsense,” Siebren scoffs. “You don’t have to act so humble with me. You and I, we see the universe in a light that no one would ever attempt to. You aren’t held back by fear or by your self-doubt, if you were then you wouldn’t be here, would you?”

“The universe works in mysterious ways.” You say, watching your fingers twiddling. He smiles from ear to ear, he looked as if he enjoyed your answer immensely. 

“I would like to invite you to supper tonight.” He says suddenly. Your heart skips a beat and you look up from your hands, eyes wide. “I read over your work these past few days and I’ve concluded that the personal essay you submitted all that time ago and an interview simply isn't enough insight for me. I’d like to get to know you better, if you’d allow me.” 

The strong undertone of professionalism in his voice soothes you in an odd way. This isn’t some petty date, it’s a conference to talk over the topic that interests you both. You become giddy at the sheer thought of using your time outside of work to talk about your ideas in depth. Hardly anyone listens to you or talk to you about your passion. Even better it’s with the man who pioneers this form of astrophysics. 

“Of course Doctor de Kuiper, who in the right mind would decline? I’ve been waiting for this moment for almost two decades.” You say and he chuckles lightly. You feel a pang if embarrassment burn inside of your stomach and curse internally. 

“Your enthusiasm really is refreshing, Doctor L/N.” He says whimsically to you before returning back to his wielding. You push your hair behind your ear and feel a rush of blood to your head. You turn back to your never-ending work of organising files and just his lab in general. You can truly tell he is a scientist by the state of his lab. 

You make a mental note to pick up a semi-formal dress after work, you didn’t really go to dinner with others every weekend for you to bother with having semi-formal attire. You only have formal attire that seems too overbearing for supper that you used to wear to formal events. Even then you sparsely went to those types of events. 

You really weren’t the type for that, anyway. 

๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑

You smooth your black dress over your thighs after you step out of your car. You stood outside of a restaurant that’s incredibly fancy and mumbled under your breath while a chauffeur came to park your car. By the looks of it you’re way underdressed but you didn’t have enough time to go home and change. It’s almost 8 pm and you have never been late to anything in your life. You decide to suck it up and to not overthink it. A man that must work here held the door open to you and you step inside of the building, now greeting a man in a suit that stood behind a desk. 

He spoke to you in Dutch and all you say is; “I’m here for Doctor Siebren de Kuiper.” That’s all the man needs and he tells you to follow him in heavily accented English. You do so and you see in the distance you spot the Doctor swirls a glass of red wine in one hand and in his other hand he’s...reading files? 

You marvel at his dedication to work and soon he looks up from his papers, then stands. “Wonderful, right on time, Miss L/N.” He held his right hand out to you and you place your hand into his, he then cups his other over yours and gives a light shake. You refuse to fluster over the obvious size difference and give a respectful smile. 

You couldn’t help but notice how strikingly handsome he actually is underneath proper lighting. He often keeps his lab dimly lit and under the soft light from chandeliers he glows. His features are chiselled with high cheekbones and a strong jaw, he looks intimidating but you always felt welcomed. His pale blue eyes looked as if they held the answers to everything. His hair was slightly greying from age and stress, he stood almost a foot and a half taller than you. You sometimes have to crane your neck to look him directly in the eyes. Yet you didn’t feel lesser than him despite the decent gap of intelligence, if anything he made you feel like his equal.

“Good evening, Doctor de Kuiper. _ Dankuwel_, for inviting me.” You say and thank the waiter who pulls your chair out for you to sit. He pushes you inwards and fills your wine glass, tells you that your supper will be out soon, then leaves to other business. 

“_Graag gedaan, __hoe gaat het met u?_” He says and leans forward. You feel a little fuzzy swirl in your chest from his undivided attention. You ignore the feeling and try to remember the bit of Dutch you learned on your plane ride. 

“To be frank, I’m ecstatic. No one has ever invited me to supper to talk about my ideas and I’m truly honoured that it’s you to be the first.” You say. You reach for your glass and bring the rim to your lips, refraining a grimace from the slight sting of alcohol that hit your tongue. 

“It’s a shame,” He sighs and places his reading glasses on the bridge of his nose, then flips through the next few pages he was previously reading. “I was revising your notes and your theories are simply astonishing. In all my years I’ve never met someone as dedicated as I am to the research of astrophysiology, especially in black holes. Your notes are phenomenally detailed.” 

You feel blush dance across your face and continue to talk to your mentor. It’s incredibly easy to talk to him about your thoughts because you didn’t have to waste any time to explain every little thing. He understood everything you said and all through the evening you talked over wine, supper and even desert. You feel your initial nervousness melt away and soon replaced with a deeper understanding of him and even more respect than you had before. 

You could listen to this man talk for hours and you want to, until he looks at his watch. 

“Oh goodness, it’s already 10:30.” He says with a chuckle. “Time really is unforgiving.” 

You feel your heart sink a little but disregard the feeling. “She’s always been unforgiving, even to one who begs the most.” You both stood from your seats and you reach into your purse for your wallet. 

You feel a warm hand on your shoulder and you look up to the tall man. “Leave it to me, please.” He says and then he held his arm out for you to hold. You feel your heart spaz and you hesitate to loop your arm through his, but you knew it would be rude to decline. You did so and try your hardest to ignore the muscles underneath his suit. 

“Thank you kindly, Doctor. You’re unexpectedly charming.” You blurt by accident. Instead of him becoming upset he just gives a hearty laugh. 

“Is that so? Did Doctor Fleur scare you into believing I’m a cruel man?” He asks. You two make it to the desk and he unfortunately pulls his arm away from yours to retrieve his wallet out of his pocket. He hands his card over and thanks the other in his native tongue. 

“Maybe.” You say. After he pays the both of you make your way outside of the building and you beam up to him.

“Believe it or not I fired my past associates for attempting to sabotage my work, not just because they were idiots that put on a front.” He says with a disheveled sigh. “The audacity, but I no longer dwell on it. It seems that I’ve made the right choice.” 

You breathe a giggle and glance to the ground before looking up to him. “I had a wonderful time Doctor de Kuiper. Thank you again for inviting me.” 

“And thank you for your time.” He says, returning the smile. “We’ll talk more tomorrow about the ideas you purposed for my project, bright and early.” 

“After coffee, of course.” You say. 

Siebren laughs, a laugh that made your heart skip a beat. “It’s like I’m talking to a clone. Have a good night, Doctor L/N.” 

“You as well, Doctor de Kuiper.” You say. He held his hand out to you to shake but this time, he leans forward and plants his lips onto the back of it. You feel a wave of sparks shoot up your arm and into your heart and then your head. You could’ve sworn you saw stars fall from the sky and swirl in your field of vision. You stood there and clench your hands into fists, your expression unchanging yet your mind races.

With that he gives you a silent smile and walks to the vehicle pulling up. You turn to his direction and watch as it drove away. You wait until it’s out of sight and you manage to breathe, your heart pounding and your face a bright red. You finally blush after holding in your emotions during all of that. You hold a hand to your chest and make your way towards your car, the entire ride home you were smiling like mad. 

You know he meant that out of respect and he’s a strictly professional man, yet you couldn’t help but daydream and your face couldn’t stop burning. 

You made a mental note to call your mom as soon as you get home to gush. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry that it starts out slow, I swear it gets better ^^; if you’d like you can also check out my other fanfic, but it’s a McCree/Reader fanfic. I’ll be working on this as a side project since my McCree is my main focus. 
> 
> I literally wrote this at 4 am oop I’m in love with a gravely misunderstood evil scientist. 
> 
> Also the reader is significantly younger than Sigma, at least 15 years younger. In the beginning of the story he’s 54 and you’re 38 turning 39 soon.
> 
> Also—the bit of Dutch is just them saying thank you, no problem, and how are you. Just simple Dutch thanks to google.


	2. Overthinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Siebren work together on a project and he asks you a few questions.

The next day you spent coffee time talking with your mentor about the possibilities you thought of all night. After two cups of black coffee enjoyed over conversation the two of you buzz around his lab and test variables until Siebren is content with four out of six of your ideas. Soon after you both are covered in sweat from both the summer heat and hard work. Neither of you are wearing your lab coats you first notice the mentor wearing a fitting black turtleneck and you didn’t _ dare _ to stare longer than a second. 

Siebren offers a spare clean handkerchief he has to you and you wipe the black oil splattered across your face. It’s well past 12 in the afternoon, you started at 7 am. The both of you stare at the outcome of your hard work and Siebren gives you a massive grin, his naturally cold eyes are now glittering with excitement. 

“Our first prototype.” He says while using another black handkerchief to wipe at his forehead. “It isn’t pretty but it’s the first step towards something beautiful.” 

You squirm in your place at his choice of words. _ Our first prototype_, it ricochets in your mind and your soul. You pinch yourself to make sure you aren’t hallucinating all of this and maybe you’re actually receiving treatment in a looney bin. But this is all very much real and you feel like you’re on cloud nine. 

“There’s a few more adjustments we can make, but yes, I’m truly excited for what’s to come.” You turn your head slightly to look to him in your peripheral vision. You’re glad that he doesn’t turn to meet your eyes because you have a bit of flush on your cheeks. It’s strangely adorable to see him so worked up over something you’re passionate over. You couldn’t help but admire him for a few seconds before reverting your attention back to the project that stood prideful on his lab table. 

A knock at the door interrupts the atmosphere and the mentor sighs, saying; “Yes?”

“Is the trainee up for a lunch run—_whoa_.” A fellow scientist just next door by the name of simply Weldon peaks his head inside. His eyes widen. “Well you two have _ certainly _ been busy. I thought this prototype wasn’t going to be finished until two months from now!”

“With the help of Doctor L/N we finished this morning;” Siebren says rather begrudgingly, seemingly annoyed by the interruption. “And she no longer does petty runs for us anymore, find another intern.” He motions his hand to shoo the other away and Weldon scoffs playfully. 

“Less than two weeks and she’s already off of coffee and lunch run duties.” He praises. “We should talk about your project another time, I’m genuinely interested.” With a nod from your mentor the other man closes the door. Sebrien returns his attention back to his work, he stood before the contraption and his eyes scan it. 

“Would you like to get lunch together?” Siebren asks over his shoulder. 

You almost squeal but catch it before you could embarrass yourself. “I’d be delighted, Doctor de Kuiper. I’ll bring my sketchbook along with me and dot out a few more ideas I’ve brewed up during the time we’ve spent.” 

You can hear his smile through his voice; “All you’ve done since the moment I’ve met you is confound me, Doctor L/N. It’s nearly degrading that you have to remain under the title _ intern _ for another six months. If it were my decision and not the departments’ I’d grant you the title of my copartner.” His large hands caress the handiwork that he couldn’t have possibly been able to achieve on his own, a sense of pride and admiration swells in his chest. “I’m unreservedly awestruck by your attention to detail…” 

As he continues to praise you, you’re grateful that his back is turned to you because your face is going through all shades of pink and red. You tell yourself it’s because of how warm his lab is and from standing around sparks for hours. You comb your hair back and take a deep breath before speaking; “It isn’t just me who did this, Doctor de Kuiper. If it wasn’t for your guidance and input I wouldn’t have been able to pull this off myself. You continue to amaze me with your the way your mind works!” 

The mentor was surprisingly thankful that he isn’t looking at you because he feels a burning sensation strike across his face for a few seconds. He couldn’t believe that he feels… almost _ flustered _ from your compliments. He shrugs it off and forces himself to believe it’s just from the heat of his lab, he makes a mental note to turn down the temperature before you two leave for lunch. He clears his throat and turns to you; “You flatter me, Miss L/N. Shall we?” 

He held out his arm to you like yet again and your heart ungracefully preforms backflips. You remain calm and unbothered, yet you couldn’t stop the smile that brightens your face and you link your arm to his. The two of you walk side by side down the hallway, talking not only about your project but a little about yourselves. 

“I greatly appreciate your compliments but I never know how to react to them,” You shyly admit while scratching the back of your neck. “Back home, I’ve never really heard praise from anyone but my professors.” 

As the elevator went downwards Siebren’s face twists into confusion. “What? Impossible, your work could very well change all we know about astrophysics!” 

“Some would tell you otherwise…” you chuckle dryly. “Which is why I couldn’t be more grateful to be here, Doctor de Kuiper. Even though I started later than I should’ve in my major I know that I’m way ahead than I initially planned for.” 

“Yes, you mentioned that you began studying when you were 28, why did it take you so long to finish if you’re so passionate?” He asks as you both step out into the cafeteria. Scientists of all sorts bustle to and from wherever they had to be, they often only come to the cafeteria to grab food and go back to their labs. Any normal day Siebren would’ve done the same but for a reason he couldn’t quite pinpoint he absolutely adores sitting and listening to you speak. He couldn’t get that when you two are working because you two have important work to tend to than just bicker irrelevant topics. He had to choose wisely when to talk to you. 

You hesitate to answer, Doctor de Kuiper is a lot more personal that you would’ve ever guessed. You assume that that’s what happens when you’re someone’s intern, you wouldn’t know since this is your first time. The two of you grab what you like and sat down next to a wall of windows across from one another, the sunlight refreshing after hermitting in a dim lit lab. 

“Well,” you start as you poke at your vegetables. “After I graduated high school my parents wanted to pay for my tuition and while I was ever so eager for that opportunity… it meant that they’d have to choose my major. They chose psychology.” 

Siebren almost chokes on his black tea, he swallows and asks; “So you’re a double major?” 

“Yes, I am. I spent years dedicated to my studies and after I graduated I tried to settle down as a therapist. I thrived yet I just couldn’t be content with my work, it just wasn’t something I wanted to do.” You sigh with a tinge of sadness under your tone. Siebren frowns and settles his fork down to listen to you. “After I moved to a new city I realised that I could pursue what I wanted since I had the funds to do so and no longer had to bare my parents nagging. Though it does bother me time after time that I could be at your level right now if I hadn’t started so late. Ah, but as the saying goes, better late than never, right?” 

Siebren stares at you for a few seconds and then gives a soft smirk, his expression unusually gentle. “You’re absolutely right, all that matters is that you’re here now. But, Doctor L/N, I would like for you to stop comparing yourself to me and using my position as a way to put yourself down, that isn’t what you’re paid to do so don’t waste your energy on such. You have to remember we all have our own strong suits. Regardless, you’re my equal and you should settle for that.” 

You could’ve died right then and there and wouldn’t complain. The murmurs is the cafeteria fuzz into nothing and the world around you dissolves, and all you can clearly see is Siebren. Your mouth is slightly open and your throat is now dry, while your palms suddenly became clammy. Your heart aches but not painfully, you thought it to be anxiety but you knew it wasn’t that. You thought of it being anything else but the inevitable. 

Siebren notices that you became awfully quiet after that, he had hoped that your reaction would be anything but silence and thinks that maybe he stepped over an imaginary line. He clears his throat and easily regains his composure, then reaches for your sketchbook. 

Opening it he says; “So, what other inventions are you currently working on? In your portfolio I saw work from your college years and I must say it’s impressive.” 

You finally come back down to Earth after your heart was dancing on Pluto and swallow the heavy feeling in the back of your throat. “A-ah, did you? That’s my old work, my most recent is my best in my opinion…”

You just couldn’t believe what he said, it’s on uncontrollable replay in your mind. _ You’re my equal, you’re my equal, you’re my equal. _No one has ever said something so bold to you, all your life you felt less than everyone around you. Yet just a few moments ago the man you aspired to work side by side with said you’re his equal. His words holds so much meaning than you should’ve held them. You also couldn’t get rid of the thick honey that coats the back of your throat either and you couldn’t look into your mentors eyes any longer than a few seconds. 

For Siebren, he thought there is a thickness in the air between you two. He tried his hardest to ignore it and pretended that he didn’t cross the line, if he dwells on it it’ll ruin his composure. 

Meanwhile you’re trying his hardest to contain your emotions. You grew up with emotionally abusive parents so you’re a professional at hiding what you feel and you could easily lie through your teeth. Yet you couldn’t help but notice that Siebren seemed distracted through the rest of lunch, like something was on his mind. You prayed it wasn’t because of you. 

Afterwards, he didn’t hold your arm. You chastise yourself for feeling a little upset over this minuscule thing. At least he’s still talking to you and soon the thickness dissipates, you feel immense relief that you didn’t ruin your internship. 

For the rest of the day you spend it cleaning his lab while he dismissed himself for a conference an hour ago. Just as you finish your work he came back and seems to be beaming. 

“I just had a wonderful conference with my investors, they’re pleased with our great strides.” He says and your lips perk. “I know that tomorrow is your day off but would you like to attend with me to a seminar that I’m teaching tomorrow?” 

You stop sweeping and look up from the floor. “What? Really? I’m actually quite shy when it comes to the spotlight, believe it or not.” You sputter and fiddle with the collar of your lab coat. 

The mentor chuckles and reassuringly yet firmly grabs your shoulder, his eyes boring into yours; “You don’t even have to say a word, my dear. Just observe what I do and if you’d like, you can speak. It isn’t a seminar with a thousand students, just a class of a 100 at the Erasmus University in Rotterdam. It’s less than an hour from here.” 

You inhale sharply and the anxious part of you begs you to say no; “I’d be delighted, what time?” Your heart and your common sense rage war against one another, it makes your stomach ache. 

“11 am sharp.” The mentor says. “Before you leave, if you have the time please deliver this package to Doctor Fluer.” He hands you a thick yellow envelope and checks his watch. “I have another conference shortly and afterwards I’ll be heading home early to prepare my lecture for tomorrow, you should try to do the same. Nothing elaborate, I just want you to prepare for anything.” He winks to you and picks up his suitcase, now heading out of his lab. “Have a good night, Doctor L/N.” 

You blink and you say inaudibly; “You as well, Doctor de Kuiper.” _ Did he just wink at me? No, no I’m definitely hallucinating now. Stop overthinking every little thing he does. _

You settle for that explanation and finish your cleaning duties. After you shut down his lab it’s well into the evening, almost 6 pm. You knock on Doctor Fleur’s door and hear a quiet “_come in!_”, you step inside only to be greeted by the screech of a drill. You jump in your skin and hold your hand to you chest, breathing heavily you say; “Good grief!” 

Doctor Fleur couldn’t hear you over her tool drilling into metal for ten seconds. She stops, looks up and you can see her eyes squint sincerely through the welding mask. “Ah! Y/N, you have something for me?” 

You nod briskly, rather taken aback from her casual attitude. She hardly ever refers to you as a doctor like everyone else and you assume she that’s her personality. Maybe she’s just unprofessional in her own work space. You hold the yellow giant envelope and she takes it, then places it on her desk. 

“How are you settling in?” Her voice is muffled by the mask and she realises this; “Oh, sorry.” She unties her apron and hangs it on a hook. She pushes her mask above her face and tugs her gloves off, then sits at her desk and motions you to take a seat across from her. You do so. “Anyway, I heard from Weldon that you’re actually helping Siebern with his work! You must be truly talented if he lets you stick around while he’s working.” 

“Y-yes, I am helping him with his current project. What do you mean by that? It’s just work.” You say as you smooth out your slacks, not sure what to do with your hands you fold them in your lap. 

Doctor Fleur boisterously laughs. “I forget, you haven’t actually met him until your internship started. You see, before you, he treated his interns basically like dirt. He has terrible trust issues and would never let anyone see what he’s working on so the interns were hardly ever in his lab. He hasn’t had an intern in almost two years I think.” She explains as her eyes travel everywhere but yours and she then takes a long sip from her mug that has a pachimari face on it. 

You tweak your head to the right in confusion and the gears inside your head begins to turn. Why did he suddenly believe he could trust you? You’ve only known each other for a week and a half. You did recall how cold and harsh he was at the interview and your first two days. He hardly said a word to you and when he did speak to you it was only short demands. All you did was run around and deliver things to people. But on the third day his whole attitude changed and he seems much chipper now. 

“Why?” You dare to ask. 

“No one knows.” Doctor Fleur shrugs. “I’ve only ever known him as a negative nancy, I’ve never even seen him smile.” She chuckles and notices a quick flush of light pink cross your face and your eyes shine with a familiar look. She smirks and looks directly into your eyes, which only makes you fluster more. She perches her chin on hand and raises an eyebrow. “What do you think of him, Y/N?” 

You tug at your collar and shrug. “To be truthful, I’ve admired him for decades. I think he’s a genius that’s deeply misunderstood and gravely underappreciated.” 

Doctor Fleur nods. “Ah, I see. Maybe that’s why you two get along so well, you probably feed that bit of ego of his.” 

_ Ego? He doesn’t have an ego. _You think to yourself as if you’ve known him for years. You scold yourself for doubting Doctor Fleur, who’s known him since she arrived to this facility 20 years ago. 

“I should get going,” You state and stood from your seat. “We can talk another time if you’d like, I’m just on a bit of a tight schedule.” 

Doctor Fleur nods. “We should get coffee together some time, I’m _ eager _ to learn more about you, Y/N.” Her eyes shimmer with curiosity and her lips play a teasing smirk. 

“Of course,” You’ve always been a yesman and you hated that about yourself. With that you bid each other goodnight and you went home. You work on a small speech well into the night. Not that you minded, you’re unfortunately a night owl by heart anyway

๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑

The morning after you’re indescribably nervous. You’ve had presented your work before but you had terrible stage fright and you’d stutter even though you didn’t have a stutter. You recited what you’re going to say through your shower, breakfast, coffee, and you begin to clean against your will in your already pristine penthouse apartment. You also begin to hum, _ God I must be shaking too. _

_ You’re overthinking things, _ you tell yourself. _ They probably won’t even realise you’re there. Yeah, your mentor is definitely the star of the show. _

You look at the clock on your oven and sigh, it’s 9:45am. You begrudgingly trek down the steps and into the garage that held your vehicle. You start your car and then pick up your phone, your thumb hovering over Siebren’s number. You tap it and hold the device to your ear, patiently waiting for a pick up. 

That morning, Siebren spent his time rereading his notes and dressing into his intricate, specially made formal lab outfit. He came across the notes you let him borrow for analysis and he tucks them into his files. He hopes that you’d speak alongside with him and that he’d get to show the world how amazing you are. Considering how shy you are he had to start you out slow. He couldn’t judge you for it because he was the same way when he started his career. Siebren has developed incredibly high hopes for you the more he learns about you. 

Truthfully, the moment he laid eyes on you he knew you’re meant for greatness. It’s like the universe spoke to him and told him to have faith in you. He just let his pride get in the way in the first few days of the internship. Siebren wouldn’t say that yet though. You’re still new to all of this and he wouldn’t let himself overwhelm you. 

He was sitting in the back of his sleek black car when you called him. He dug his phone out of his pocket and saw the contact name, his chest tightens for a split second that he disregards, then answers a little too quickly. 

“_Hallo?_” A deep voice rumbles into your ear. It sent a tingle down your spine. 

“Good morning Doctor de Kuiper.” You say as you start your engine. 

“_Ah, goedemorgen, Doctor L/N. Are you on your way?_” He asks while staring out of his window, watching the scenery go by. 

“Yes, I am. Where do I meet you?” You buckle in. 

“_The front entrance, I’ll be waiting for you._” Siebren replies, his head suddenly feels lighter the more you spoke and he couldn’t understand why. 

“You’re only lecturing about the notes from last week, correct? About the recent discovery of a black hole and that you believe humanity can use it to its advantage?” You ask and you pull out of your garage and into the streets. You often talk and drive on the phone, you had a knack at multitasking. 

“_Correct, no surprises I promise _ .” He reassures. “_Have you decided yet if you’re going to speak?” _

You pause for a good few seconds which earns a hearty chuckle from the mentor. Your cheeks burn and you sneer; “Hey! I’ve never done this before, I’m… I’m _ nervous_, Doctor de Kuiper.” 

“_Fret not, geachte, I’ll be doing most of the talking for an hour and a half anyway._” He smiles to himself and his thoughts waver to you acting so out of character when you’re flustered. You’re so poise and graceful all the time he couldn’t believe that you’re anxious over something as simple as a seminar. “_Half the students will probably be asleep too._” 

His voice eases you more than you want it to. He’s great at pep talks and you honestly couldn’t wait to be there during his lecture. You’ve only ever watched footage of his lectures and now you’re going to be standing next to him. Your inner fangirl couldn’t calm down and your butterflies threaten to spill. 

“Thank you for this opportunity, doctor.” You say almost too dreamily. You clear your throat. “I’ll see you, then.” 

“_Safe travels, Miss L/N_.” He says before you hang up. He holds to phone to his ear for a few more seconds before he rests it in his lap. His chauffeur looks in his rearview mirror and grins. 

“Was that her?” He asks. 

“Huh?” Siebren is pulled out of his thoughts and he looks up. “Oh, yes.” 

“You didn’t raise your voice or disregard anything she said, are you becoming soft, Mr. de Kuiper?” He teases and Siebren clenches his jaw, a warmth blooms across his face and he remains silent. 

..._ am I? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!!! I’m honestly so in love over this dynamic and I can’t wait to write more. I love writing Sigma, although I don’t have much insight of his character before he turns bananas it’s still a fun challenge. 
> 
> I edited this to the best of my ability— almost 4 k words to edit, whew. So if there’s a few mistakes I’m terrible sorry ^^ 
> 
> I would greatly appreciate if you were to check out my McCree fan fiction. He’s a good boy and I love my cowboy ;n;
> 
> Also—I guess I only like to write and post at night lolol xwx


	3. Childish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You fall for Siebren, literally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!! Sorry for this update, it’s kind of a filler with fluff and cute stuff. After this chapter it’s.... gonna get so gOOD OMG IM LITERALLY FANGIRLING THINKING ABOUT IT. I hope you enjoy some cutesy stuff, now comes the juicy that everyone’s (me, mostly) waiting for *^* 
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos and comments!!!! They’re all so lovely and motivating.

When you arrive through the front door you see the doctor talking to a few students and you couldn’t help but notice that he genuinely looks happy. You walk towards him and you hear him encouraging the younger students. As soon as he realises that you’re there and his face brightens more—if that’s even possible. 

“Ah, speaking of the devil.” He says and then snakes his arm over your shoulder, now pulling you into the group conversation. You feel a lump in your throat and you flush at the sudden contact. “This is who I’m talking about, Doctor L/N. She started her major long after she graduated grade school and regardless of others telling her she couldn’t do it, here she is, paving a path for those who believe they’re too late to follow their passion.” 

_ Oh god, why is he telling them my failures. _ You think to yourself. You brace yourself for the judgement from the students and honestly, you’re in for a surprise. 

The students begin to ask you all sorts of questions and you sputter over yourself, you aren’t used to the sudden attention. They ask things like what’s it like to work under the greatest minds in science and how did you manage to work for two majors, and praise you for your ability to overcome the obstacles you’ve faced. Siebren keeps his arm around you while participating in the conversation. You try your hardest to slowly close the bit of space left between you and your mentor, thankfully he doesn’t seem to notice, he’s completely enamoured by the students. You knew he only meant the contact to be in a friendly manner but you couldn’t help but melt at his warm and inviting touch. 

When the warning bell rings for class you and the doctor make your way up stairs and into a fairly large room. You’re fidgeting with your ID at the end of your lanyard and he acknowledges your apprehension. 

“Are you alright, Doctor L/N?” He asks softly. His voice brings you out of the darkness that is your thoughts. 

“I’ll be fine.” You say, your eyes swirl with a mix of emotions yet your expression is one of determination. “Don’t worry, I can deal with a few minutes of attention.” 

He offers a smile of consolation. “I like your attitude. I believe that you’ll do your very best, that’s all I’m asking for.” 

You couldn’t believe that people actually think he’s an unsympathetic old man. _ He’s misunderstood_, you say to yourself. You hope for a moment that maybe as time goes on that you’ll only learn the reason behind his cold front. 

When you reach the classroom entrance he holds the door open for you and you two step into the large room. The doctor takes his stand at the front of the rows of desks and greets himself, you stand next to him with your hands behind your back and smile respectively. 

He starts off by greeting himself and giving a brief explanation of what today’s seminar held. You stood beside him and examine the room, he wasn’t lying when he said that only a few would actually pay attention. You wonder why students would bother to take a class that they’re not interested in before you realise how much of a hypocrite you’re being. 

“—and I brought my own special guest with me today, my intern, Doctor F/N L/N. She’s a double major in Psychology and Astrophysics.” He introduces and you give a meek wave. The students hardly advert their eyes to you and for that you’re immensely grateful. 

The seminar begins and you didn’t say a word, your mentor just yammers on about his plans for the future. Of course, he left out a few important parts that he wanted to keep a secret but he told some of the fundamentals. 

A student raises their hand and asks; “How did you manage to finish such a complicated contraption in less than a month?” 

You tense as Siebren smirks and looks at your from the corner of his eye. “My intern will gladly answer that wonderful question for you.” 

You wanted to curse every swear you knew at him as you feel anxiety rise in your chest. He gives you a reassuring smile and places a hand on your back, as if encouraging you. The touch sent shocks down your spine yet you remain unresponsive. You wish it didn’t work as well as it did. 

“W-well… it’s a process.” You force yourself to begin. You explain your procedure and the steps you took to input your designs into his work. You explain how you figured out to mend your version and his version and how it took the both of you to figure it out. The more you speak the more comfortable you become and soon you didn’t even think of it as talking to a group of a hundred people. You’re getting carried away and too deep into it but the students didn’t mind, in fact, they seem interested in what you had to say. Even some students that were on the verge of falling asleep lift their heads from their desks to listen to you. 

All while you’re gushing, Siebren couldn’t help but admire you. He adores the glimmer in your eyes, your animated hand motions, the excitement in the tone of your voice. He completely forgot that he’s the one teaching this seminar and instead watches and listens as you begin to write on a whiteboard. His chest bubbles with an unfamiliar warmth and he feels like he’s in a trance. Something about you being as passionate as he is made his stomach feel weird and he didn’t pay much attention to that either. How could he when you’re there. 

It’s like the world disappears when you speak. He couldn’t hear anything but your voice that brought him serenity. He couldn’t understand what was happening and he tries not to think about it too much. 

“And-and,” you take a deep breath and finally place the marker down after 30 minutes. You didn’t realise until now how much time you took explaining your side of the story. “That’s uh, that’s about it, really.” 

You brush your hair behind your ear in embarrassment and stare at the floor. You glance at your mentor and notice that he’s also staring at you, yet he has a gloss over his gaze and a soft smirk on his lips. This only causes you to feel more embarrassment and you force yourself to look away. 

Siebren clears his throat and fixes his collar before turning to the class. “It seems that we only have 30 minutes left. Any questions?” 

Dozens of hands shoot into the air. “Any questions for _ me_?” He corrects himself, chuckling when only three hands are left. He looks over to you and beams with pride, you shrug and mouth sorry. 

Well, at least you didn’t have to present the speech you had prepared. 

๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑

“Come again?” You manage to say through your coughing. Siebren offers a handkerchief to you and you use it to wipe up the tea you choked on dribbling down your chin. You and the mentor are sitting at a café you stopped at to talk over your tea and his coffee. You take the handkerchief and cover your mouth, your face hot with humiliation. “You want me to go to a gala with you? You’re… you’re kidding right?”

“They said I can bring a guest, who else would I bring?” He chuckles and brings his cup to his lips. “This would be a fantastic opportunity for you to network. There’s going to be some of the most influential minds in all fields of science searching for people like you and I bet you wouldn’t want to just work with old me for the rest of your life.” 

You’re deeply offended by his statement and frown at him. “Please, I wouldn’t take any offers even if they included all the money in the world.” You mutter and take a long drink. 

Siebren couldn’t help but smile. “Well, there’s also sponsors. God knows I need sponsors, the one I have are annoying and impatient.” 

“I can’t go, I can’t.” You try to convince him. He gives a look and you start stuttering. “I could barely talk to a group of kids, what makes you think I can impress professionals?” 

He rolls his eyes. “How could you lie to me? You did a phenomenal job today.” 

“When is it?” You ask. 

“This year it’s being held in Switzerland, in Zürich at the headquarters of Overwatch with Angela Ziegler hosting it. In two weeks from now.” He answers. 

You quickly think of an excuse. “Two weeks is hardly any time to prepare!” 

“Please don’t be offended but you aren’t really as well known as I am, so you don’t have to prepare for anything, I’ll be the one presenting our project.” Siebren smoothly says. 

“It’s in Switzerland, I can’t afford the trip.” You lie. 

“Nonsense, I’ll cover all costs.” He retorts. 

You quickly try to think of another excuse. “I-I have a… doctors appointment?” 

“On one of the days of the weekend?” He asks, raising a brow. This only causes you to become more desperate to work your way out.

“I’m afraid of planes! I’ll die from a panic attack! I hate heights!” You cry.

“You can sit in the outer seats and we can cover the windows.” He says. 

“I can’t dance! I really can’t. I’ll be an embarrassment to you.” Another lie. You took classes all throughout grade school. 

“Y/N,” he firmly addresses you. You froze at his usage of your actual name, he’s never called you by your first name. “If you really don’t want to attend, I can’t force you. I just want you to know that it would really mean so much to me if you were to come along, I’d hate to go alone.” 

That definitely wasn’t true. He’s always went by himself. Every year they’d ask why he wouldn’t bring someone with him and he’d always say he didn’t need them there. With you, for whatever reason that’s odd to him, he wanted you there. He wanted to show the world what you’re capable of and he wanted to be there every step of the way to your success. He hated the idea of going and you missing out on something that could potentially change your life. He just wants to see you succeed and frankly, be a better version of himself. 

He wouldn’t dare to say that. 

“I’m… I’m sorry. I can’t, it’s all too much. I’ve never even gone to a school dance before.” You say while fondling with the keys on your lanyard. 

He heaves a sigh of defeat. “Then I won’t go. It’s not a problem.” 

“What? Don’t let me hold you back, please. I insist.” You say, feeling a tinge of guilt. 

“There’s always next year,” he shrugs. “Besides, I really do hate going by myself to public events.” 

“I’ll go.” You blurt. Again, your common sense roars in your stomach while your heart couldn’t bare to see Siebren upset. You want to do everything you can in your power to make him happy although you know you’re not obligated, seeing him smile is worth the trouble of getting overwhelmed. 

“Are you sure?” He asks. “Why the sudden change of thought?”

You pause and think of an excuse. “Well I just thought about it and you’re right, it’d be stupid not to go. I used to watch the live streams of this gala and dream of attending, how could I foolishly decline?” You left out the part that you only watched just because he always presented every year and that you just wanted him to be happy. 

“Well, that settles it.” He says before placing money on the bill. 

You sigh and twiddle the ends of your hair. “I know that you’ll present and I really don’t want to speak, I mean it, you can do all the talking.”

“That’s a given.” He says before standing from his chair. “I have a conference in an hour so I must go, thank you for your consideration, Miss L/N. I’ll see you tomorrow bright and early.” 

“Of course,” You say. “Have a good day.” 

๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑

The upcoming week you spent your time helping your mentor prepare for his presentation by assembling more prototypes and creating slides. He reminded you that he could take care of it himself but didn’t fight you when you insisted. You told him that you wanted him to “_wow the crowd”_ with the work and show them that he is deserving of sponsors and recognition. It meant that you two had to stay longer in his lab after work hours but also it meant more time with you. He couldn’t understand why he wants you there for as long as possible, maybe because it made time pass considerably faster and that you had a superpower of figuring things out faster than he could. Which led him to think how could you be so harsh on yourself? 

He made a mental note to ask you later. 

You on the other hand, you stayed and helped because you adored the compliments and encouragement he gave you. After work you always went to a yoga class but you decided to skip it for all this week and next week. You had much more important business to tend to. 

The more you two work on your first prototype it begins to grow in size, it isn’t the finished project but you two wanted to build as many prototypes to see which one works best. You’re currently perched at the top of the latter, using a wrench to fix a loose bolt. He stands at the end and makes sure you’re steady and hands you the tools you need. He makes sure to avert his eyes anywhere but… _ there_. He’s a gentleman after all. 

“You should come with me to my next conference tomorrow,” he says randomly while holding a latter you’re standing on. You jolt in shock from his question and accidentally lean backwards, he gasps and tightens his grip on the latter. “Y/N BE CAREFUL!-”

It’s too late and you fall backwards, it happens so suddenly. Siebren holds his arms out and takes a step backwards instinctively, you land on him and both of you fall to the floor with a mix of grunts. He groans from underneath you and you’re shaking like a leaf because of adrenaline. Your eyes are closed and Siebren holds you close to his chest without realising his own actions. 

“Oh my God, Doctor de Kuiper! I’m so sorry!” You cry as you scramble to look at him. You continue to lay on him and you cup his face with each hand, moving it side to side to see if there is any visible damage. He clenched his eyes shut from the soreness from your elbows jabbing his ribs and hisses between his teeth. 

“I’m-I’m alright, are you okay? You could’ve been gravely injured, you need to be careful next time!” he scolds while he unconsciously grips your waist harder. You finally notice that you’re on top of him and he’s holding you, your hands on his chest while you're straddling him. He opens his eyes and looks into your soft, worried iris’ for a few seconds, then looks down to you straddling him. Blush smacks both of your faces. 

You stumble up and fix your lab coat and he helps himself up, turning his face away from you so that you couldn’t see his expression of embarrassment. “I’m not a young man anymore Doctor L/N, I can’t always do that.” He rubs his face to try to quickly rid of the blush. 

“Y-Yes! I’m so sorry, I was just caught by surprise by your question. Please forgive me!” You beg while tears well in your eyes. He turns to you and is taken aback from your crying. 

“No it’s okay! I’m fine, really. I’m just worried about you, please this isn’t the first nor the last time someone had an accident in my lab.” Siebren reassures while placing a hand on your shoulder. He looks down to you and then offers his handkerchief in his lab coat pocket. “I’m glad I was there to catch you, God knows what would’ve happened if I weren’t there.” 

You sniffle and crack a smirk, “Yeah, you’re a great cushion.” 

Siebren rolls his eyes, a sense of pride blossoms in himself from his ability to ease you so quickly. “Forget being an astrophysicist when I can just be a cushion for hire.” 

You giggle so innocently and it sends a shiver from the back of Siebren’s neck down to his lower back. He has never heard you giggle like that before and it feels like he’s just been punched in the stomach. It definitely wasn’t from you falling on top of him either. 

_ Am I becoming sick?_ He asks himself. _It must be the adrenaline. It has to be the adrenaline._ _Yes, adrenaline. That’s the only logical explanation._

Siebren swallows nervously and purses his lips before pulling his hand away, turning to the prototype. “Well, we should call it a day after that.” He says. “Are you still willing to come with me tomorrow?” 

“You still want me to go even after I crushed you?” You ask with a cheeky smile. Siebren turns to you and huffs. 

“Don’t be like, you hardly did any damage to me.” He begins to pack up his suitcase with his files and pages through the presentation you two made together that you’re going to showcase at the gala. “Tomorrow I’m going to show them what we’re unveiling at the gala and get their approval. You being there would aid our cause immensely, it seems you always know how to explain our project perfectly.” 

“You want me to woo them?” You joke. 

“If you would, I’d be in your debt. It takes a lot to impress those fools. They just want answers, they don’t care about how we bring it to them.” Siebren takes it too seriously and his voice becomes icy. 

“You really don’t like them, huh? Do they often talk down to you..?” You ask with concern. Siebren grips his suitcase and tenses up, before relaxing. 

“They’re the only company who offered to support this project, I had no other choice.” Siebren has a tone of sadness and your heart aches with worry. He keeps his back towards you and silence falls upon the room, you can feel his grim mood. 

You walk up behind him and place your hand on his shoulder, he’s considerably taller than you are but you try your hardest to offer him comfort. He turns and looks down to you, meeting your gentle gaze. 

“Things will get better, Doctor. We’ll just knock their socks off at the gala.” You say, your hand rubs his shoulder and he forces himself not to shiver from your warmth. 

He stares at you for a few moments and then simpers. “You’re right, thank you for reminding me, Doctor L/N.” He reaches up and lays his large hand over yours, giving your hand a good squeeze. Your heart flutters and your toes curl, smiling you shrug and gaze off at the floor. 

“Everyone needs a good reminder to keep it together sometimes.” You say. “We’re only human.” 

Siebren decides not to reply to that, he doesn’t like to dwell on topics like that. He closes his suitcase and begins to head out of his lab. “If you could clean up before you leave, I'd be grateful. You don’t have to of course, there’s always tomorrow.” 

“Of course, please try to have a good night, Doctor.” You say and he gives you a curt nod. 

“You as well, Miss L/N.” 

The door shuts and you stand there, staring hard at the door. You hold your hand to your chest and feel the rhythm that isn’t from adrenaline, you frown and suddenly feel hot tears streaming down your cheeks. Your mind begins to cloud with how you couldn’t help but feel so foolish for falling in love with a man you just met three weeks ago and how you react whenever he shows any attention to you. Sure you’ve loved his work all your life but it’s like you’re some high school girl gushing over a senior. You slowly cover your face and your chest rises up and down quickly. 

“You’re so childish,” you sob into your hands. “So, so childish.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry for the filler! Hope it’s good enough ^^; I like to write romance fan fictions where the characters fall in love with each other without realising they’re falling in love lolol. I’m a sucker for that shit. 
> 
> Also, poor reader ;n; technically, the reader has never really felt this way about someone so she doesn’t know how to cope with it. But don’t worry, reader will figure her shit out somehow... maybe? idk. lmao


	4. The Gala

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Siebren prepare and go to the gala, meeting expected and unwanted guests.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What’s good!!! This chapter is almost 7k words and it’s hard to edit that much, so I deeply apologise for the mistakes ^^; this chapter is a rollercoaster, I hope you enjoy! 
> 
> this is just the beginning >:3

The conference went just as Siebren had hoped for. At first when he introduced you his sponsors really paid no mind and waited for him to get over it, little did they know he had a trick under his sleeve. That trick being you. Whenever you explain something even when it’s considered boring to most you explain it with feverish enthusiasm. It catches the sponsors attention and instead of them brushing him off like they normally did, they shook your hand and his and thank you for your time. You’ve never felt more accomplished than that moment with your mentor. 

You and Siebren decide to celebrate with lunch together. He really did like enjoying meals with you, unlike most people who just sit in silence you talked between bites. Sometimes you’d talk and completely forget to eat for almost thirty minutes and he has to remind you. You always had something to say, be it irrelevant or related to science, you’re interesting in every way. 

He just sits, eats and enjoys your voice. 

Siebren could do this for hours. 

The week goes on smoothly, no accidents or falling deeper into the rabbit hole called love. This week you actually feel emotionally stable and that’s because the day after the seminar you had a long talk with your mother. She knocked some sense into you and told you to keep it strictly professional, not to ruin the only good thing you have going for yourself with petty emotions. It was a good wake up call albeit harsh. 

You take her advice to heart and decide to stop overreacting to every little thing he does. Unbeknownst to you, it’s awful and impossible not to admire every little thing he does. Every time he got close to you, said your first name by accident, or even accidentally bump into you, you beat the demon called your heart back into its cage with the metaphorical broom. You preserve, determined to not ruin the first thing to go right in your life. Determined to keep it calm and happy. It’s perfect where your relationship is with your mentor. 

As you know, it only gets harder. From this you begin to distance yourself from him because for God’s sake, you love him and you hated that you loved him. You didn’t want him to figure it out any time soon and destroy everything. You always ruined everything. Always. 

During that time, Siebren noticed that you’re acting a little strange. You aren’t talking to him constantly like usual and all this week you denied his offers to lunch or dinner. The only time you two talked was when blueprints for prototypes needed to be worked out and when he needed help. Even then your responses were sparse. 

Siebren hoped that it’s just your usual nervousness because of the upcoming gala. He figures that he wouldn’t press and further your anxiety. Siebren also didn’t want to admit to himself that he’s awful at confrontation. He’s terrified of assuming things and possibly ruining things between you two. 

You cross the mini calandre you have on your desk, you’ve been keeping track of how long you’ve been working under Siebren. It’s been almost five weeks and the day you have to leave for the gala is tonight. You swallow nervously and place the pen back into its cup, the clock reads 2 pm. Siebren decided this morning that you two would leave early today to prepare for tonight. You decide to doodle to pass time in the mini sketchbook to pass time. In reality you just didn’t want to seem like you’re doing nothing and avoiding conversation. 

“Our flight is at 5,” Siebren informs you as he packs his briefcase. “I’ll meet you at the terminal at 4:15?” 

“You can count on me.” You say without glancing up from your doodling. 

Siebren stands by the door and opens his mouth, then hesitates. “Are you okay, Doctor L/N?” 

Your pencil stops and you stare at the scribbles for a few moments. You close your notebook and turn to him, feigning a bright smile that unsettles Siebren. “I’m fine, why do you ask?” 

The mentor grimaces and shook his head. “No reason, I am just wondering, is all. I’ll see you tonight.” He turns and opens the door. 

“See you.” is all you said. You turn your back to him and resume your sketching, a large grin plastered on your face. 

Siebren opens his mouth, closes it, and sighs. A part of him hoped that you would’ve said more but he knows it’s just wishful thinking. Without a word he leaves the lab and you idly stand next to your desk. Your smile fades to a somber expression and you rub your face in exhaustion. It’s draining to force a smile so often. 

After you clean the lab and put the prototypes away you go home, the entire drive you sit in silence and your thoughts is your music. You feel awfully guilty for acting so strange with Doctor de Kuiper and you knew he noticed. You’re determined to keep this facadé, thinking that maybe if you did things would stay as they are. Just you and your mentor, working to change the world. Every day you try to convince yourself that you’re just content with just that and you pray it works soon. You wanted nothing more than just peace. As soon as you get home your face is hot with tears and you slam your head on the wheel, mumbling curses at your heart. 

“I just have to bury it deep, deep down and I’ll be fine.” You mutter as you step out of your car. Your heart cries in its cage to be free, it’s hands dangling out between the bars and your metaphorical guard beats it back into submission. “It’s easy.” You reassure yourself. 

_ Is it though? Easy for you to say! _ The heart cries. 

Your metaphorical guard considers a muzzle for the beast of a heart. 

You pack whatever else you need and you spend an hour practicing yoga to clear your mind (it didn’t work) before you head to the terminal. You meet Siebren and only offer a meek smile to him while he talks to you, giving one word replies. You keep your distance from him and every now and then he’ll look back to you, as if you’d wander off. 

The two of you are now sitting at the row of seats, surrounded by strangers waiting for the announcement for your flight. There’s a tense silence besides murmurs hanging in the air and your try your hardest to ignore it by finishing a sudoku puzzle. The scribbling of a pen drills into your skull and it’s causing a headache to arise. 

Siebren takes a deep breath and opens his mouth, “Uh,” 

You raise your head from nodding off. “Hm?”

Siebren coughs into his fist and decides not to say anything. He didn’t want to annoy you or be a bother in the slightest, he reminds himself that you’re not obligated to tell him anything unless you want to. A small part of him is desperate for answers as to why you’ve been so quiet, not just today but all of this week and last week. Yet, he remains silent, tapping his foot and staring off into space. Why won’t you look him in the eyes for longer than a second? When you did look at him, why did his chest tighten so much? Why won’t you just talk to him? 

For a second, Siebren misses your voice. 

He wouldn’t dare to say that. 

Finally, you board into first class. Siebren sits next to you and turns to speak to you, but you’re already putting on a sleeping mask and wearing headphones. He grimaces and pulls out his hologram, deciding to kill the 2 hour flight by going over notes. When the silence is unbearable Siebren gently taps your arm and you jolt, now taking off your mask and pulling out one earphone. 

“Ah, my apologies, I didn’t mean to wake you.” Siebren mutters with a gentle look in his eyes. 

“It’s fine,” you lie, you weren’t asleep. “Is everything okay?”

_ What is the matter, Y/N? _A small voice within Siebren intones. 

“I wish to debrief.” Is all he can say. 

“Oh, okay.” You shrug and look outside of the window. 

Siebren wants to tease you for saying that you’re afraid of heights but stops from making a fool of himself. “Tomorrow there’s a conference early in the morning that scientists from all around the world will attend, we will be busy and have no time for anything else. I have a proposition, after we have settled in I wish to explore the museum of science with you.” He deadpans. 

“Oh,” You say. You feel a sting in your heart as you meet his soft grey eyes that hold a sense of solace. “Of course, Doctor de Kuiper.” You shove your headphones back into your ears and slip your mask on, not giving him the chance to say any more to you. 

The rest of the plane ride is painfully quiet for the both of you. Siebren even took to doodling, something he only did to focus and to ease his nerves. Soon you arrive to Zürich at 7 and there’s a driver waiting to escort you to the hotel room. When you get to the hotel you go to the front desk and Siebren is handed one key. You widen your eyes and swallow apprehensively. 

“Wait, were only getting one room?” You ask, your heart sinking to your feet. 

“Well, there’s a bed on the second story and one on first story, plenty of privacy.” The clerk explains. 

“My associate would like her own room,” Siebren starts. You quickly look at the prices and scream internally, your morals wouldn’t let him pay for something so lavish. Why do they only offer penthouses? 

“It’s okay! Really.” You place a hand on his shoulder and smile pathetically. 

Siebren looks down to you and furrows his brows. “Are you certain? It is a situation that can be effortlessly solved.” 

“I’m certain, Doctor de Kuiper.” You reassure as you feel nauseous from the butterflies destroying the lining of your stomach. 

The clerk pays no mind to the tense aura you emit and you two go to your penthouse. As soon as you step inside you marvel at how spacious and unnecessarily extravagant it is. There’s a huge wall sized window that leads to a balcony with a view of the city and low and behold there’s mahogany stairs that go to the second floor. There’s a smaller bed next to the window walls covered in silk sheets and a pristine comforter with oversized fluffy pillows, a hologram at the end of the bed is playing classical music. You place your mini suitcase down and look out to the city. 

You tap the window with a control embedded into the glass and part of the window wall slides open. You step outside and a soft cool breeze hits your face. You take a deep breath and admire the view. Siebren steps out and next to you, smiling. 

“It’s beautiful.” You say. 

“I agree,” He simply replies. You two stand there for a few moments and for the first time in a while, the atmosphere between you two isn’t heavy. It’s peaceful and warm, welcoming even. Siebren relishes this feeling and your company. 

The awful feeling in your heart fades, and you realise that you’ve been acting so out of it recently. Guilt poisons your blood and you feel like an idiot for bothering the doctor over something so trivial. You decide from then on to get ahold of yourself and act correctly without the stupid feelings involved. You convince yourself that it’s much simpler than you initially thought it was. You’ve been letting your terrible habit of overthinking get the better of you and you know you can do so much better than treat him like he’s not there. Acting this way would only make matters worse and possible make the trip unbearable for the two of you. 

“Would you join me for supper?” You ask suddenly and Siebren is almost taken aback from this. 

“I would… like that.” Siebren says, his excitement almost getting the better of him. 

Later in the day after supper you’re driven to the museum and you’re actually talking to him. There isn’t a moment of silence throughout supper or the car ride and Siebren didn’t know why, but he feels a huge weight lifted off of his shoulders from talking to you. Your voice alleviates his clouded mind more than he’d like to acknowledge, your voice is like music to his ears. When you arrive at the museum you both wander around, talking as you admire the works of art and the machines displayed. 

As if the universe heard Siebren’s prayers you’re looking him in the eyes while speaking again and you’re back to lightly teasing him, along with your animated expressions and that giggle he liked so much. As the night goes on you two are soon back to your old dynamic. It’s almost like there wasn’t awkward silence in the first place and Siebren hopes it stays that way for at least the rest of the trip. 

Little did he know you’re trying your absolute hardest to act like everything is normal and that you’re heart isn’t trying to break out of its cage. After exploring the whole museum for an hour and a half and you’re mentally exhausted keeping up the act. It’s a lot harder than you thought it’d be yet you refuse to drop the act. You can’t let yourself slip up even just a bit, you won’t let yourself pretend he isn’t there ever again yet you wouldn’t let yourself fall deeper into the quicksand called love. When you’re like this he’s smiling and bright and by God you just want him to be happy without ruining your internship.

Is that too much to ask? Apparently so. 

It’s almost 10 pm and you flop into your bed, crawling underneath your sheets and sighing at the softness. You hear the doctor climb up the steps and he’s muttering to himself. 

“Good night, Doctor de Kuiper.” You remember to sigh dreamily as you sink deeper into the bed. 

“Ah, good night Doctor L/N.” His voice echoes through the room. 

Thankfully, before you could think too much about technically sleeping in the same room as Siebren, sleep devores you. 

๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑

The next day you wake up early to the smell of coffee and savoury breakfast, you groggily peek out from underneath your sheets. You see a tray with breakfast and coffee on the nightstand, sitting up when you notice there’s a note underneath the tray. You pluck it up and skim over it. 

_ Goedemorgen, I decided to exercise so I will not be back until 8 am. I hope you slept well. Regards, de Kuiper. _

Your heart skips a beat and you clench the note to your chest, your face feels uncomfortably warm. You shove the paper into your suitcase before you give yourself time to overthink something as petty as a note. You begin to pick at your meal. After breakfast you shower quickly and dress professionally for the conference. As soon as you step out of the bathroom you’re greeted by Siebren holding a towel. 

“Oh hallo.” He smiles warmly down to you. 

“Good morning.” You yawn as you rub your eyes. You move out of his way and sit at the dining table, scrolling through the hologram and trying your hardest to ignore the shower humming in the background. 

The conference is almost 3 hours long and you’re ecstatic to listen to your superiors speaking to one another. You don’t say much because they only really speak to Siebren, it’s expected since you’re just an intern to them. You’re using this as an opportunity to learn and eagerly take notes, filling up your notebook considerably. 

During the conference Siebren looks over to your notebook every now and then and adores your dedication. It seems that you never miss the chance to write whenever someone speaks on astrophysics regardless if they’re your superiors or mere students and he couldn’t help but admire you. He noticed everything you did, the occasional lip biting, you twiddling with your ID or your hair, the little doodles next to your notes, how your eyes brighten whenever someone mentions something slightly interesting. Whenever you held your hand up to speak Siebren smiles and cover his mouth to hide it from his colleagues, acting as if he’s in deep thought. He wouldn’t let them see his smile of veneration. 

Truth be told Siebren could hardly pay attention regardless how hard he tried. He’s eternally grateful for your attentive note taking skills. 

When the conference is over you both head back to your room and you couldn’t stop gushing over those who were there. People that you used to reference in your work and study almost every night were there and you’re absolutely awestruck. Siebren listens to the melody that is your voice and doesn’t dare to interrupt. Even while you’re getting dressed into your formal clothing in the bathroom your voice continues to echo into the second floor where he dons a suit. 

Siebren didn’t mind one bit although he’d blush when he’d hear your clothing drop to the tiles. It seems you have no shame and he didn’t judge you for it. _ She’s just passionate _, he tells himself. 

“Are you ready?” Your voice calls from the first floor. Siebren is just paging through his notes one final time before turning off his hologram. He makes his way down the steps with his eyes cast downwards. 

“I was waiting for you-” Siebren corrects her and when his eyes meet yours, he pauses. 

You’re wearing a black turtleneck dress that reaches to your knees with long sleeves, a keyhole design shows a bit of your collar bone. Siebren’s eyes quickly look up and down before meeting yours, your face reddens. You didn’t know what to do with your hands so you cross them behind your back and shift weight, you feet ache a little from the kitten heels. You definitely weren’t used to dressing like this and feel bare, you begin to miss your lab coat. 

“It’s all I had,” You start. 

“It is perfect.” He interrupts. 

The guardian of your heart is suddenly mauled to death by the beast and you feel your chest swell. You curse at the blood rushing to your head that causes the floor to spin for a second and you fiddle with your hands, looking at anything but him. 

“Shall we,” You meekly say. “I don’t know how much longer I can stand in these heels without succumbing to pain.”

Siebren chuckles and you two step out of the room and head down to the front entrance. Waiting for you is a driver in a sleek black car and you enter, sitting on each side next to the windows. You stare out of the window and watch as the glittering buildings fly by. It’s peaceful and quiet between you two, not that Siebren minds, he knows you’re far too nervous to speak. Music plays in the background and you can hear Siebren using his hologram, he’s muttering to himself. 

“Is it too late to turn the car around?” You half joke, breaking the silence. 

Siebren turns to you and gives a half smile. “It isn’t, but I won’t allow it. What is the problem?”

“I’m nervous.” You say slowly. 

“Oh, are you?” He huffed sarcastically. 

You turn to him and scowl, earning a hearty laugh from your mentor. His laugh eases your twisted expression and you heave a sigh, the mix of nervous and lovestruck butterflies clash for dominance. 

“It isn’t funny!” You whine as you rub your eyes. “What do you even _ do _ at galas?” 

“You converse with others and listen to speeches, there’s a theme so there will be those flashing their costumes but I believe it is silly to accommodate to such tradition. This year is the universe, not that it matters. They are also holding a donation to support the science majors in college this year, I plan to donate a hefty sum.” Siebren thinks for a moment as he places a curled finger on his chin. “That is about it. Oh, and dancing but I do not like partaking, my dancing is much outdated.” 

“So it’s basically a charity event.” You sigh heavily and lean back in your seat. 

“Yes, basically. We have to be there for at least an hour.” He tells you. “You hardly have to talk to anyone if you would like. I will do all the talking. Ah, it seems we are almost there.” 

When you two arrive you step out of the floating vehicle to a few dozen flashes. You cover your face and squint your eyes, cringing at the sudden blindness. You feel a strong arm snake through yours and pull you forward. 

Siebren leans over and whispers into your ear. “I - uh, forgot to mention this part. Terribly sorry.” 

His voice sends a shock throughout your body but you’re quickly distracted by more flashes. You hear an array of questions that you can hardly make out because they’re all talking at once. You’re guided into the building and you blink rapidly, trying to banish the spots in your vision. When you finally come to you’re leaning against Siebren, walking down a velvet path leading up a grand set of ivory stairs. You look up and see murals painted on the ceiling and chandeliers glimmering. 

“Watch your step please, it hurts to bump your shin on this staircase.” Siebren grumbles, seemingly annoyed. It’s hard to keep up with him and his fast pace due to his long legs. 

The mahogany doors are open and you two slow down when you enter. There’s hundreds of people in groups talking and drinking glasses of what you assume is alcohol. Your mind is racing and you feel like you’re going to faint, you knew you couldn’t because of Siebren’s strong hold on you. When he looks down to you he notices your expression of shock and how pale you’ve become. He pulls you to a table with white linen and glasses that’s far from the groups chattering. You sit down and hold your hand to your chest, the other on the table gripping a napkin. 

Siebren pulls himself up next to you and places a hand over yours, his other hand on your back. “Are you alright? Do you need water? We should leave, I should have warned you I’m a fool-”

“I’m alright.” You breathe. You didn’t know what to think or feel, it’s all overwhelming. Your mind is clouded with millions of thoughts and you feel like your soul is slowly leaving your body. Just as you’re about to stand up and run out, you feel a squeeze on your hand. You look down and see that Siebren replaced the napkin with his warm hand that’s considerably larger than yours, you feel the other gently rubbing circles on your back. Just from those small gestures your soul returns to your husk and your mind recollects itself. 

“It is going to be okay.” Siebren’s voice is soft and worried. You look up to him and his eyes are gentle and full of remorse. “We can leave.” 

“I just needed a moment to breathe.” You reassure him. You feel him squeeze your hand again and that’s all you need to feel whole once more. You inhale for a few seconds and heave a shaky sigh. “We’re not leaving.” 

“If you want to.” He reminds you. 

“Let’s just get this over with.” You mutter and stand suddenly. You straighten your back and smooth your dress. Siebren stands as well and holds out his arm, you hesitate to grab hold. “You wouldn’t want to give them the wrong idea.” 

“I do not care what ideas they think.” He shrugs. “They, without fail, judge me in the end for what I do regardless every year.” 

You lock arms and walk next to him, talking amongst yourselves. “Why?” 

“I am normally not one to immerse myself in their activities purely because its headache inducing and they often question why I attend in the first place.” Siebren explains as you approach a group of peculiar people. “I attend to donate and… catch up with old friends.” 

_ Old friends? _ You think. 

When you reach the group of abnormal people a woman approaches you two, she’s wearing an elegant white dress that sparkles and she emits an angelic aura. She gives a warming and welcoming smile, her sapphire eyes swimming with admiration. 

“Doctor de Kuiper, I thought you weren’t attending this year?” Her voice is like a million harps playing at once. She leans forward and they place quick kisses on each other’s cheeks. 

A demon called jealousy posses you for half of a second but you swiftly return to admiring the woman. She’s indescribably angelic and you could’ve sworn you’ve seen her before. It’s hard to forget a face as beautiful as hers. 

“I deeply considered it yet I caved to your manipulation.” Siebren half jokes. The woman looks into your soul and you force a nervous smile. “Doctor Ziegler, this is my intern, Doctor Y/N L/N.” 

“Good evening.” You greet while holding out your unoccupied hand. She grabs it and gives a gentle shake. 

“My pleasure, it’s wonderful to finally meet you, Doctor de Kuiper has told me so much about you. I’m Doctor Angela Ziegler.” She says and you feel your heart race with excitement. 

“Wait, _ the _ Doctor Angela Ziegler? As in the head of the science department of Overwatch? And you’ve heard about me?” You gasp and the angelic woman laughs. It tickles your chest and you feel giddiness in yourself. 

“Doctor de Kuiper never shies away from boasting about his accomplished intern. When I saw your portfolio that de Kuiper sent me I was astonished, I should be the one fawning over you my dear.” Angela giggles. 

“I only boast to try to convince you to hire an intern of your own.” Siebren corrects as he feels blush threatening him. “Is Winston here as well?”

“He’s on a mission but he’s sent his warmest regards to you.” Angela says while she turns towards her group. “Let me introduce Doctor Y/N L/N to the others.” 

Soon you’re overwhelmed by heroes that have saved the world countless times. You meet a man that’s only an inch shorter than Siebren by the name of Reinhardt Wilhelm who greets with bear hugs and a rather charming Brit who praises your work and speaks a mile a minute. You also meet a woman who holds herself with pride by the name of Fareeha Amari, she shakes your hand and asks about how you feel. The entire time you’re blushing madly from the appraisal. 

“I’m wonderful,” you sputter. “I’m a tad overwhelmed to be honest, but I’m having a fantastic time.” 

“This is her first gala, can you believe it?” Siebren says to Ziegler. 

“I can’t, she’s a hidden gem isn’t she? Unheard of yet holding so much potential.” Reinhardt says rather enthusiastically. “We would love someone like you on our team!” 

“I am terribly sorry but she’s already pledged her allegiance to me.” Siebren intervenes with a laugh. 

“Well if you ever change your mind, we’re always a call away.” Lena giggles and offers a cheeky wink and smile, then shrugs before excusing herself. A flash of light shocks you and suddenly, she’s gone. 

You blink. “Did I just imagine that?” 

“Her chronol phenomenon is a complex topic for another time.” Siebren says as you look around for the woman who vanished. 

“Sorry to cut things short, but our host here has a long list of things to do. It was a pleasure meeting you.” Fareeha says as she places a hand on Angela’s shoulder. 

“Ah, yes, I have to greet and socialise with my guests here soon so I won’t be able to talk much later.” Ziegler states. She then holds out a card to you and you accept it. “On the contrary, I would love to talk more. Your work fascinates me, Doctor L/N, and I believe we can create something beyond comprehension.” 

“O-Oh! Thank you so much, Doctor Ziegler! It’s truly an honour.” You stutter giddily. 

She bows her head, her golden hair spilling over her shoulders like a waterfall. “Enjoy yourselves, you two.” With that, she leaves to run her errands as the host while you stare at the card in your hand, your eyes wide. 

“Would you still like to leave?” Siebren asks jokingly. 

“Are you kidding me? I didn’t realise until now that there’s some influential individuals here and I’m going to meet them all.” You say with determination and you shove the card into your mini purse. 

Siebren laughs and unconsciously pulls you closer to him by wrapping an arm around your shoulder, now side hugging you gently. “That’s the spirit. After Angela’s speech we may.” 

Doctor Ziegler speaks to the crowd who stand and listen intently. She then asks for five people to come to the stage and present the top five inventions of this year, Doctor Siebren is one of them. He’s the last one to present and you stand there, hands cusping one another as you admire him. The world around you dissipates and all you can see and hear his him. 

You allowed yourself just that moment to love every bit of him, to admire his passion, his voice, his smile, his eyes that held the secrets of the universe yet warmed every bit of you. You didn’t even realise he’s staring back at you and the roar of applause brings you back down to Earth. People around you are looking at you and smiling, whispering to one another. Was there something you missed?

“—without her I would have brought nothing to show at this gala. Without her I am certain this project would have taken at least another ten years to finish. I owe it all to you, Doctor Y/N L/N.” Siebren finishes his speech and the room continues to roar with applause. You feel your face burn and you hold your hand to your chest, feeling a tad flustered from the attention. Your mentor walks through the crowd and smiles down to you; “My apologies, I should have warned you that you were mentioned in my speech.” 

“Yeah a warning would’ve been great…” you mutter as you wring your hands. Siebren places a hand on your back as you pout. 

“You deserve the recognition, Y/N.” He cooed. “Come now, no time for pouting-”

“I have to use the restroom, excuse me.” You abruptly say. He doesn’t pay no mind to it and excuses you as he continues to talk to his colleagues. You needed a moment alone to think and breathe, being around a large group of people for longer than an hour normally exhausted you. Yet you refuse to leave until you meet just about everyone here no matter how long it takes. 

As soon as you reach the restroom you splash your face, reapply chapstick and fix your hair. You took off your heels and stretch out your ankles as you speak to yourself, trying to calm your frazzled nerves. When you feel like you’re ready to get back into the fray you wash your hands and eat a mint, then step back out into the ballroom. You wander a bit and search for your mentor, no one talks to you along the way. It’s almost as if you’re invisible when you’re not with him and honestly it felt nice to be ignored for once. 

“—and you’ll never be nothing more to me than that.” A familiar voice almost yells over the murmur of voices. You snap you head to where it’s coming from and it’s easy to spot him out of the crowd considering how y’all he is, your mentors back is turned towards you. You immediately head in that direction but freeze when you hear a woman’s voice. 

“Is this really any way to act at a gala, Siebren? To an old friend no less?”

“Have you gone mad? Are you deaf, possibly?” Siebren barks back. You hear murmurs and people whispering your mentors name and you resume back to speed walking. “Leave me alone for the rest of tonight or else-”

“Or else what? Do you really want to cause a scene? You wouldn’t want the events from five years ago to repeat, would you? Just one dance-” the woman’s voice becomes slick like venom. 

You place your hand on Siebren’s shoulder and he turns to look down on you, he’s visibly upset. You offer a nervous smile to him and say; “There you are, Doctor de Kuiper, I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” 

“Could you possibly be any more uncivilised? We’re in the middle of a conversation. You ought to teach your intern manners as well, Siebren.” The woman with hair black as night, slicked back and piercing green eyes spits to you. She stands almost as tall as Siebren thanks to her heels and looks down at you, intimidating in every way imaginable. You swallow as her dagger like stare pierces back to your mentor who is returning the gesture. She gives a cocky grin. “Everyone’s watching, Siebren.” 

“For the last time Corletta, stop following me and leave me be. I will never dance with you even if it means my reputation.” He snaps, his voice brimming with anger. You’ve never seen him like this, you’ve seen him annoyed but never to this point. 

You did what you could do at the moment, even if it makes you flustered and put in a weird spot. 

You slip your arm through his and lean your head onto him. This earns a surprised jolt from your mentor as you smile sheepishly. “Actually, he-he promised a dance with me after I returned from the restroom, remember Siebren?” 

Siebren looks down to your head, then back to the woman he despised with his whole being. “Ah, yes, how could I forget? What would I do without you, excuse us.” He holds his hand out for you to grab and you do so, now leading you out from the crowd and both of your backs towards the woman who glares into the back of your skulls. 

You’re now walking right beside him and holding his hand, muttering to him; “What was that all about?” You shift your eyes to the people staring at you two and feel the pressure of unwanted attention weigh on your shoulders. 

“Ugh, I will tell you while we are dancing.” He says. 

“Wait we’re still dancing? I just used that as an escape route.” You explain to him as your grip loosens. It seems he grasps onto you tighter and you feel blush crawl up your neck. 

“She is still watching, I know it.” Siebren whispers. The two of you reach the almost empty dance floor where only a few were standing around and swaying side to side, possibly from the alcohol in their system or just their attempts at staying alert. “Do you know how to ballroom dance?” He asks. 

You sputter cockily. “I certainly do, the real question is you know how to Viennese waltz?” You ask him as he scoffs. Siebren doesn’t answer with his words, instead he stops abruptly and curls his right arm around your backside and places his hand on the right side of your hip. With the left hand he grabs yours and holds you, his grip firm. You blush momentarily as the dance sequence begins. 

“I thought ballroom dancing was a dead sport. You continue to surprise me, Doctor L/N.” He mutters into your ear gruffly. This sends shocks down your backside and you try not to visibly shiver. 

Siebren spins you gracefully and you look him in his cool grey eyes. You didn’t know if it was the lighting or if it was him but there’s a soft flush of colour across his face. You decide it’s just the lighting. Your moving in sync as the orchestra plays vigorously. 

“All throughout grade school I learned, my mother believed it’s something all young ladies should know regardless of how ancient the dance is. I never agreed with her morals yet I proceeded to learn, I never thought the lessons would actually be useful truth be told.” You explain as he pulls you close to his body and you squeak from the sudden contact. You feel warmth radiating off of him and the two of your twirl effortlessly, you gaze up to him and he gazes back. “Why did you learn, doctor?” 

“Believe It or not it used to be a lady killer;” Siebren says. You feel your dear friend jealousy tickle your heart and you swallow the feelings down. “But… those who asked never knew how to truly dance, until you.” 

You didn’t know why but him speaking makes you feel incredibly lightheaded. You decided to switch topics. “Who was that woman?” 

You feel his muscles tense for a moment before Siebren dips you. He stares intensely into your eyes and you’re put into a trance for a few seconds. He pulls you back up and whispers huskily into your ear; “Corletta Durand, the first intern that I foolishly let into my heart. She stole our creation and didn’t bother to credit me, she became famous from said creation and never spoke to me again. Now, she owns the very company that funds my projects.” 

“So that’s why you were an arse to your past interns!” You exclaim suddenly. Siebren gives you a look of confusion and you sheepishly huff. “Fleur told me a bit about you…”

“Of course she did, she just loves to gossip like a teenager.” Siebren rolls his eyes. He subconsciously pulls you close to him again but this time it wasn’t apart of the dance. “It Is unfortunately true, she turned me into an old, cruel, cold ice demon. She ruined all trust I had in anyone in the science field.” 

“So, basically, she’s a bitch.” You giggle 

He nods. “Basically.” 

“You’re not cruel.” You say as he twirls you and pulls you even closer to him until your faces are inches apart. The longer you gaze into each other’s eyes the faster the world dissolves. Colours are more vibrant and sounds are muttling to soft lullabies and it feels like you’re floating together. Your heart along with Siebren’s begins to race as you continue. “You’re not cold, nor an ice demon.”

“But I’m old?” He jests with a smirk. 

You roll your eyes. “We’re both old, who cares?” 

“We should ditch this place.” Siebren says and he abruptly stops spinning. Your eyes widen and a giggle slips out of your perfect lips. He takes this moment to examine you under the chandeliers and finally realises just how beautiful you are with your glimmering eyes, your soft skin, the flush that blooms across your cheeks innocently, the warmth and kindness you emit that gently and steadily melts the frozen prison he calls a heart. 

Just something about how you look at him, how you speak to him, how flustered you get, he tries so hard not to but he adores it. He wanted to curse at himself for thinking such a way about his intern no less, the very person he swore to himself he would never think any more or less of. Siebren’s only known you for a month yet you blew him away every time he’s talked to you. You’re otherworldly, he’s never met anyone like you and it’s incredibly hard to impress him. 

He decided that just for tonight a bit of his old, cruel, cold heart was allowed to enjoy this moment. 

His arm accidentally tightens around you and when he realises he’s been staring for too long he snaps out of it. He clears his throat. “I would not like to run into that witch again, I fear the next time you will not be able to bail me out so easily.” 

“Fancy dinner and a movie?” You ask. “I really need to get out of this dress and these heels.” 

“Thought you would never ask.” Siebren smiles as he loops his arm through yours. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, after the next one or two chapters I believe I’m gonna attempt at a bit of a descriptive time skip that explains how their relationships... deepens. I hope you enjoyed! Sorry if it’s too cheesy, I’m a sucker for cheesy stuff *^*


	5. One After Another

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A series of events.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I’m so sorry that I’ve been gone!! I’ve been sooo busy with work and home things that I haven’t had the time to edit tbh! I have many chapters written out but no time to edit them to perfection... basically meaning that this chapter isn’t perfect ^^; apologies in advance!
> 
> This chapter is a rollercoaster... a lot of (google translate) Dutch as well that I don’t translate bc I hate leaving translations in my writing. It makes it look ugly, so keep google translate on hand! What he says is IMPORTANT! 
> 
> You also get to learn more about Reader :3
> 
> More notes at the end! Enjoy...

You awaken from the light shining through the window and burning your retinas through your eyelids. You wince and feel the instant pulse in your head as you quickly regain consciousness. Regret devours your soul and you feel sickly, your mouth is dry and your sinus’ are stuffy. You’re hungover. Your neck hurts and you’re uncomfortably warm, you wonder what’s on you as you slowly prop yourself up. Your eyes flutter open and you stare at the soft red blanket that’s covering you, you must’ve fallen asleep on the sofa while watching a movie last night. With Siebren, you remember, while he drank two glasses and you guzzled the rest of the bottle of wine. 

You feel embarrassment grip your chest and wonder just how drunk you got last night, all you could remember was talking to Siebren. You must’ve been awake until midnight. You also wonder what you two talked about, praying that it wasn’t something awful or stupid. You had a tendency to be too open when you’re tipsy and you couldn’t fathom what you would do shitfaced. 

You rub your face and look at the black smeared onto your fingertips, you forgot to take off your mascara. This is why you never wear makeup, you always forget to take it off after your usually busy days. You stretch and yawn, tears pricking at the corner of your clenched eyes. You jump in your skin when you hear a click of a cup hit the glass coffee table in front of the sofa. You look and see a bright, smiling Siebren placing a cup of tea. 

“Here, you must be dehydrated, goedemorgen!” He chirps. You reach over and grab the cup, greedily throwing back the hot tea. “Wait it’s hot!” He gasps and reaches out to your hands. 

You hum at the stinging yet welcoming heat of oolong tea. You finish the drink in a matter of seconds and lick your lips. You look at Siebren and he reaches out for the cup, silently offering to give you more. He pours you another and gives it back to you, then proceeds to pour himself one and sits criss cross on the hardwood. It’s comedic in an innocent sense, he’s tall so his knees touch underneath the table. He’s giving that bright and contagious, eager smile that you couldn’t help but admire. 

You wonder how someone like him could be a morning person. “What time is it?” You mutter. 

“10:30 am. Our flight is at 3 pm.” He answers. 

“I didn’t mean to drink so much.” You say pathetically. 

He waves his hand at you. “We are on a trip and we wanted to celebrate your first steps to success. I went a little overboard as well.” His smile widens. “Besides, I learned more about you.” 

You rub your face and groan. “Oh God-”

“Do not fret, geacthe, nothing too embarrassing if that’s what you are thinking. You didn’t tell me you aspired to be a hero!” Siebren gushed. “And that you have hyperthymesia, do you understand how rare that is?”

“That’s all I talked about?” You asked, genuinely surprised. “Yeah, it’s nothing too special.” 

“I’ve concluded that along with your passion for learning your “disease” is what helped you excel in your academics.” Siebren lifts his cup to his lips as he spoke. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

You wish it wouldn’t have come to this. You’re terribly at explaining the reasons behind your actions. You knew that replying with “just because” wasn’t a good enough answer for the constantly curious man. 

You sigh and cast your eyes downwards. “I thought I wanted to become a soldier of war after I realised that therapy wasn’t for me. Now, I no longer wish to become a hero, I soon believed I wasn’t built to fight on the front lines during the omnic crisis. My power wasn’t made for combat. I decided to do what I could do with what I was given.” You shrug while staring at the bronze liquid steaming in the porcelain cup. “I fought in my own ways, for a short while I worked at an organisation that built machines that could help heroes and armies, as well as protect civilians during the omnic war.”

“You’re an engineer, I know that.” Siebren says as he leans forward, his attention undivided. 

“I _was_ an engineer. I retired from that career right after the war ended and pursued my true dreams.” Your voice is raspy and tired, you didn’t like answering questions when you just woke up. “My dream to assist you in any way I can to reach your dreams, I quickly realised that after I had retired.” 

“I am truly blessed. You could never cease to amaze me, Y/N.” Your mentor praises. “But do not forget that you are not climbing to get stuck on my shelf. You know that you can always become greater than I, that is why I chose to keep you as my intern.” He sets the cup down and gives you a steely, determined look. “We will raise you to the stars and beyond, as I like to say; ”Het maakt niet uit hoe langzaam je gaat, zolang je maar niet stop”.”

“I don't understand Dutch just yet, but I understand what you mean. Regardless, did I fall asleep during the movie? Why didn’t you wake me up?” You ask, quickly changing the subject. Speaking on your past always made you feel slightly pathetic, considering that it’s filled with failure after failure, how soft spoken and weak you were. You wonder why you ever thought you could be a hero when you couldn’t stand up to a villain, let alone your parents. 

“Yes, I didn’t want to disturb your peace.” Siebren shrugs as he sips his teacup. 

The longer you’re awake the more you remember how Siebren’s shoulder is oddly comfortable. You feel the well known sting of embarrassment crawl up your neck and you cover it by taking a long, thoughtful sip. He must’ve placed the blanket on you, you had no recollection of grabbing a blanket. This only made your heart act unnatural and you try to remain calm. 

“Would you like breakfast? I have been awake since 7 am and I am quite ravenous.” Siebren asks, noticing how tense you’ve become. 

_ He waited for me. _Your heart flutters. You swallow hard and nodded curtly. “Of course.” 

๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑

It has been almost four months since the Gala and you couldn’t be happier. You and Siebren’s relationship has turned into a surprising turn. Not only do you two talk over work, you also talk about what’s on your mind and whatever else you could think of. Rather than silence when you two worked intently on your projects, every minute you two bickered. You enjoyed each other’s voices. 

Every day you two got lunch together, sometimes dinner and even breakfast when Siebren didn’t have morning conferences. There were no arguments because it seemed that the both of you always had the same idea. The tension in your heart that you couldn’t harness has now settled and now there was just a constant fuzz that you enjoyed. You felt as if you’ve emotionally matured after being around Siebren, who’s always so calm and confident, it’s rubbed off of you. 

You realised that Siebren wasn't the god you thought he was. He’s human and dorky, honestly clumsy and a tad forgetful. You’re always there to bring him back to Earth when he became caught in his mess he calls his mind. Whether it came to organising his lab or fixing the tie on his lab/suit, you’re there to help each other. You adored every moment of it, the compliments, the snarky quips, the dynamic, it’s all you’ve ever dreamed of. 

It wasn’t always games and jokes, you two would sometimes sit in silence, enjoying each other’s company. There were also moments where you’d talk on serious topics. You recall one night where you two were standing on the balcony of your apartment when he’d come over for dinner. After supper you talked over his glass of wine and your fruity beer. 

You were stood there and watched the city life go by, dressed in a large hoodie and leggings to shield you from the slight nip of fall. “Do you believe the universe has a plan for us?” You whispered over the howl of the wind. 

“No, I believe that it is our responsibility for our own paths.” Siebren answered simply. His voice was rugged and hushed, as if he was fighting the threat of exhaustion. 

“I like to believe that I was destined for this.” You said before you took a swig if your drink. “I like to believe that the universe wanted to put me through all that I’ve been through for this.” 

“How so?” He asked. 

“Well, if I hadn’t dealt with my past endeavours I wouldn’t have learned the pain, nor learned how to defeat and become stronger from it. I wouldn’t be here, I wouldn’t have decided for myself that I wanted to pursue this career.” You pause as you gaze at the stars, and then turn to gaze at him. “I wouldn’t have met you.”

“That is one perspective to perceive.” Siebren admits, his eyes still fixated on the stars dimly flickering on the backdrop of dark blue. “But I believe that it isn’t the universe is at fault.” 

“I am not saying it is the universe’s fault, I’m saying the universe has been kind enough to guide me through it all.” You say. “The universe has been kind enough to grant me the strength, courage, wisdom…” you trail off. 

“You’re wrong.” Siebren deadpanned. He looks down to you as you look up to him, his eyes steely yet kind and sympathetic. Your breath hitches in your throat. “It was you, it has always been your strength, your wisdom, your courage. It has always been you to accomplish and overcome your obstacles. You relied on only yourself and your motivation.” His stone like expression softens and he huffs through a smile. “Do not forget, mijn goedheid redt mij, your _ stubbornness _.”

“Not as stubborn as you are.” You scoff. 

You stare at each other for what feels like an eternity. Despite how dark it is outside the world seems brighter the longer he talks. The wind softly blows and it only causes you feel the warmth bubbling in your chest. 

After a while of silence you murmured almost too quietly; “You’re truly wonderful, Siebren. I’m glad I met you.”

Siebren’s eyes widen a bit and his chest tightens. The air somehow becomes lighter and he feels as if the world is spinning. The doctor wonders if it’s just the altitude of your apartment yet proof within his soul said otherwise. He watched as your smile fades into a simper and you revert your eyes back to the city. He wishes he could look at him again so that he can admire your face more in the moonlight. 

Nothing more is said though. The silence spoke for him. 

As you reflect that night, you clench your hand to your chest and feel the rhythm. Your other hand grips a screwdriver until your knuckles are white. You set the tool down, take a deep breath and comb your hair back with your free hand. 

“Doctor L/N, may I have your assistance?” Siebren asks across his lab. 

“Of course.” 

๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑

It’s been six months under Siebren’s internship. Tomorrow was your last day to intern to him and you knew that you were going to either be let go or forced to work in your own lab. You dreaded this day and it came to bite you faster than you had hoped. Knowing your luck you’d probably be placed on another floor and probably won’t see Siebren as much. 

You begin to worry that he’ll just get another intern, that your relationship would fade, that he’ll never invite you to dinner or breakfast or coffee ever again. This is where your paths separate and you’ll have to begin working on your own. It’s not that you didn’t believe that you couldn’t work on your own, you definitely could. It’s just the idea that you’ll never get to see him after this and it shook you to your core. 

Would you revert back to his cold self? Would he become introverted and never let you back into his wonderful lab? The thoughts swirled like a typhoon and it makes you sick to your stomach. 

You couldn’t focus that day, you were acting cold and sad. You didn’t talk much and when you did talk it was only one word replies. Siebren quickly notices this behaviour, now he can always tell when something’s on your mind. You couldn’t manage a poker face even if it could save your life. Your eyebrows are knit together, you’re biting your lip and you’re not holding your tool in the correct manner. 

_ “I give up.”_ You groan as you slam down the pliers in your hands onto the tray nearby. 

“Don’t be daft.” Siebren says as he watches you slump in a chair on your side of your office. “Don’t give up so easily, it isn’t like you.” 

“I can’t figure it out, it’s just not turning on and I thought it was an electrical problem but apparently it isn’t. I’ve tried everything.” You whine. 

Siebren looks over to the plug in the walls and smiles goofily. He then walks over and shoves the plug into the wall and the contraption you two are working on whites softly to life. You stare at the machine that’s been stripped of its outer shell and slap your hands over your face. 

“Of course, I’m an idiot.” You mutter into your hands. 

Siebren chuckles and hands you a handkerchief to wipe the grease off of your hands. You take it and lazily wipe. 

“What is the matter, Y/N?” He wonders as he takes a seat next to you. His hands are resting on his knees and he leans forward, ready to listen. 

“Nothing.” You say. 

“Do you believe I’m a fool?” He asks. 

“Of course not, you are a genius.” You scoff. 

“Then do not treat me as a fool. Tell me what’s on your mind, mijn beste.” Siebren presses as he places a hand on top of yours. You look at his hand that completely covers yours and you feel an ache in your chest. 

“Tomorrow is my last day, don’t you know?” You utter. Siebren tenses for half of a second, you feel his hand tighten a little before he pulls it away so that he can cross his arms over his burly chest. You grimace. “I’ll probably move to another lab.” 

Siebren hesitates and then curtly says; “I won’t allow it.” 

“What?” You ask. You lock eyes with him and he has a look of determination. 

“I cannot finish this project on my own if I want to finish it by the due date I set with my-our sponsors.” Siebren admits. “I need you here. Before I met you I hardly had a concept on our contraption and you helped me mold my ideas into reality.” He pauses and shook his head. “I will fight tooth and nail to keep you in my lab. I will make you my permanent assistant, leave it to me.” 

He then stands to his feet and begins towards the door. “Where are you going?” You ask and feel both excitement and nervousness boil within you. 

“To talk to our supervisors. I will return shortly.” The door slams before you can get another word in. It happened so suddenly and you had to take a moment to process what he had said. 

“He needs me?” You say to yourself, the usual blush blooms across your face. You begin to think that those words held something more to them and quickly diminished those thoughts. He explained why he needed you there and that was it, you tell yourself. 

Yet, a part of you still believe in the impossible. You curse at that hopeful scientist in you that believed in all possibilities. 

๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑

Siebren kept his promise, and ever since that day you’ve been his assistant for two months. It’s been eight months since you’ve arrived to his lab. You two were back to square one though, since your first project exploded due to technical difficulties. Although you wanted to give up and start over Siebren insistes to rework the current blueprint. 

“Sometimes you’re too quick to give up, Doctor L/N.” Siebren sighs as he tapes together the blueprint that you tore apart out of frustration. “We can revive this machine and design it to be even grander than what it was.” 

“We tried that, my design is flawed. Let’s just work on your prototype.” You groan as you write in your journals. Your other hand is wrapped in bandages thanks to Doctor Siebren, the painful shock you received from the wires you were working on left quite the burn. 

“My prototype nearly killed us. Yours is superior.” Siebren says as he pins the blueprint back onto the cork board. He sighs and rubs the back of his neck, now watching you from the corner of his eyes as you close your journal and push it away from you. 

“Well mine nearly blew my hand off.” You snap. “You’re ideas for my prototype always works, mine are obviously inferior.” 

“Stop saying that. You know I hate it when you put yourself down.” Siebren says as he approaches you. You turn your seat around and your back towards him, and then squeak when he grabs the back of your swivel chair and drags you across the lab. He pulls you to his desk and up to a sheet of paper. “Get to work, Doctor L/N. You are not here to give up. Remember how you got to this moment, remember all the hard work you've done and take it out on our prototype. I’ll be here to help. Ik geloof in jou.” 

Siebren knew why your contraption short circuited but he wouldn’t tell you why, not yet at least. He always at least gave you the opportunity to try your hardest. Failing, reflecting, and putting your work into your projects was all apart of being a successful astrophysicist and engineer. You knew that already but sometimes you needed a little push, he’s always been there to support you and you’re there to support him since you both had a bad habit of being pessimistic at times.

“Ja ja…” You groan as you pick up the pencil. You hated whenever he did this, it never fails to inspire that burn in your heart that causes you to try your hardest. He always knew how to get your gears going. 

“You are an unstoppable force, geachte.” Siebren reminds you as he cleans up the lab. 

Through your scowl, you smile. It’s as if this man has the power to change the weather, he always helps you look on the brighter side and keep your chin held up high. You admired his patience that he had with your impatience. 

“Je kunt alles doen, mijn schat. Dat is waar ik van hou.” Siebren mutters under his breath. 

“What was that? I’m not fluent in Dutch just yet, Doctor. You know that.” You say over your shoulder. 

“Just do your best. How are your lessons?” He says without hesitation, his eyebrows furrowing and his tongue suddenly weighs like lead. 

“Dutch is a complicated language but I’m trying.” You say. Your pen scribbles calmly. 

“That’s all I ask of you. I can’t always be there to translate for you, gekke meid.” Siebren chuckles. 

“That I understood, I’m not a silly girl. I’m a scientist!” You say over your shoulder, a smile gracing your lips. 

“En je bent geweldig.” Siebren replies simply. 

“Okay, you lost me again. Stop talking, I’m focusing.” You snip. 

Siebren’s smile widens. He always gave his most heartfelt compliments in his native tongue. He would praise you in English if it wasn’t for the small part of him that’s awoken since he’s met you, that insignificant part being bashfulness. For now, at least, this is all he could offer to you, hoping that maybe one day you’d understand what he meant. 

๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑

A month after your prototype failed you two built a better, slightly smaller version that seemed to be working in perfect condition. You’re standing outside of the building, the snow falls softly on your nose. It’s almost December and you’ve been working under Siebren for nine months. You couldn’t believe that it’s been almost a year since you’ve started this journey and recently you’ve felt as if you haven’t made any progress. Your project wasn’t working how you wanted it to and today you dreaded the failures that you make that you’ll meet today. 

All morning you’ve been short and tired. Today doesn’t feel like your day and honestly everything felt off.

When you reach the lab, your heart sinks to your feet. The end of the hall was crossed out with yellow tape and there’s a giant puddle in the hallway. You slip underneath the tape and barge into the lab to find Siebren talking to two men. 

“Careful of where you step, Doctor L/N. There’s been an accident.” Siebren says rather begrudgingly. 

Your wide eyes find a giant gaping hole in the wall, you can see the lab that’s next door. The lab next door is covered in soot and the sick scent of burnt wires wafts into your senses. You examine the state of your lab, the side where you and Siebren’s desks are is completely destroyed. Papers are all over the floor and the desks were covered in thick soot and it just looked like a bomb went off. 

“What… what happened!?” You exclaim. 

“Our lab neighbour was working on something dangerous and it exploded. He has retained injuries but he’ll be fine, the state of our labs, on the other hand...” He groans and rubs his face. 

“You’ll have to move to the lab three stories down and share with another scientist. We do not have any labs that are not vacant.” A man in a suit says to you in a thick accent. 

“I _refuse_ to share my work with another scientist.” Siebren says, clenching his jaw. He fiddled his hands that were crossed behind his back, something he does when he’s upset. You grimace and walk towards him, along the way you pick up some of the files that are strewn across the lab. 

“Don’t be rash, Doctor de Kuiper.” You sigh as you skim through the papers. They’re out of order and some of them were wet from water, others burnt on the edges. 

“You know how important it is to me to keep our projects low profile.” Siebren says with a hint of annoyance. He genuinely looked to be displeased with the idea of a lab roomie and you understood why. 

“Do you think we can work in an environment like this?” You gesture to the awful state of your lab. Thank goodness that only you and Siebren’s desks were demolished and not the projects on the other side of the room. Otherwise you would have to restart completely from scratch. 

“I have my own lab.” Siebren states and puffs his chest to the supervisors of your floor. 

“I don’t.” You huff. “I could work with Doctor Fleur-“

“We can work from my home. After all, they’re my projects, it is permitted.” He insists. 

“We?” You ask. 

“Come to my address later tonight. We’ll talk about this thoroughly after my conference. In the meantime could you gather and clean our desks?” Siebren asks as he shakes the officials hand, the other men nod to you and take their leave, having much more important business to tend to. Siebren picks up his suitcase and heads towards the door, only to stop and stand next to you. His frosted eyes meet yours. “I know it’s too much to ask but you are the one I trust the most, let no one see our blueprints.” 

“Leave It to me, Siebren.” You nod. He gave a relieved and soft smile before opening and slamming the door. You mumble an irritated groan and examine the state of the lab, dread creeps up your spine. On the other side of the gap in the wall you heard cleaners working together. You want to go and ask for assistance, he’d never know, right? 

No, he can always tell when Doctor Fleur visits after he leaves for the day and you stay to clean. You sigh and begin to pick up the papers off the ceramic floors, mumbling about how could he leave you with this mess. 

You think about talking to him later tonight about his contributions to cleaning. You aren’t his maid and no longer are you just a simple intern or some housewife. The thought of you being a housewife made your skin crawl, you were awful at caring for children and you weren’t the best at cooking either. You diminished the silly thoughts and got to work. 

After you spent four hours cleaning it’s 4 o’clock in the evening. Siebren normally has his conferences after he leaves at 5 but since today there was an emergency he rescheduled the meeting this weekend. In his text messages to you he sends you his address and to arrive at 5:30 urgently and that’s all. You wonder if you should be worried that this might set your project back, but you refuse to think negatively. 

Your thoughts wanders to the events that are soon to unfold. You’ve never been to Siebren’s home, it’s always your apartment when you two wanted a homemade meal. Most of the time he wouldn’t let you cook, he seems to have a bit of a passion for it. It’s always entertaining and slightly attractive to watch his large and slender hands gracefully work kitchen tools. Sometimes he’d even wear your soft blue embroidered apron that hardly covered half of his upper body. 

Your thoughts are flooded with anxiety that drains and suelta within you like a typhoon. Sooner than you hoped you’re now driving to Leiden with the backseat stuffed with files. Your windshield wipers are sweeping at the soft flakes that rapidly smack the glass, it’s been snowing since early morning. It usually doesn’t fall so much in the Netherlands, even if it is the middle of December. The forecast says that it should stop at 8 pm and you hope that they stay true to their word, you hate driving through heavy snow falls at night. 

You pull into Siebren’s driveway, marveling at how enormous and extravagant his house is. It certainly looks as if it holds an entire lab and possibly six rooms. The pathway to his front door is freshly shoveled and his entrance is surrounded by a mini forest, the lampposts scattered amongst the firs and bushes covered in snow give it an enchanted aura. You step out, the snow crunching under your weight. You breathe in and exhale the crisp dusk air and shove your hands into your pockets, speed walking towards his black front door. The snow falls gently onto your cheeks. 

You stand underneath the soft yellow glow of the porch light, your hand is nipped by the cold while you knock on the hardwood. You huff and stand in silence for a few moments before you hear someone unlocking the door. You tense and your breath hitches in your throat, why are you so excited to see him? You saw him a few hours ago. 

You’re greeted with familiar steely eyes and a warm smile. You return the smile. “Good evening, Doctor de Kuiper.” Your voice carries over the silence of winter. 

Siebren notices the soft flush of pink over your nose and cheeks, your hair sticking out from underneath your fleece toque, your scarf draping cozily around your shoulders. You look adorable and soft, radiating warmth during this cold winter's day. You look as if you’re glowing, an angel the heavens sent to his footsteps. 

“Right on time, please, come inside.” He says as he opens the door wider. You rush past him and he closes it. “May I have your-“ 

“I got it.” You say as you strip the heavy coat you’re wearing. You reveal a turtleneck that’s hugs your figure and fleece black leggings. You then hang the gear on the hooks, Siebren giggles when you tiptoe to reach the hooks. “I really hope you’re entire house isn’t built just for giants like you.” 

“I apologise in advance.” Siebren says. You remove your black boots and follow him to his kitchen. You look around as you pass through his living room, the colour code is strictly white, black and grey. His inner decor is simplistic besides the pieces of abstract art hanging on his wall and vases of a variety of white flowers on every table. You pass through the diner room and then you stand at the entrance to his fairly spacious kitchen. You examine the granite tabletops and all the appliances are made of shiny steel sitting pristine and seemingly untouched. 

“Tea? Or coffee.” He asks over his shoulder. You sit on a stool that’s at the granite table and watch as he pulls out tea bags. 

“Tea, thank you.” You say. “It’s freezing outside.”

“Oh, please. This is nothing.” Siebren huffs. He pours steaming tea from a teapot into a mug, stirring in a single spoon of honey. He turns to you and sets the mug in front of you. He sits across from you with his own mug. “Have you ever been to Leiden?” 

“No, I live in Hook of Holland.” You say. 

Siebren grimaces. “A shame that you have to drive almost two and a half hours just to work.” 

“Couldn’t come to terms with our supervisors?” You ask. 

He mumbled under his breath and shakes his head. “They wouldn’t bother to understand my reasons. They told me to do what I must.”

“How long until they rebuild our lab?” You ask. 

“It could take months. They have to rebuild the other’s lab first and then ours. I cannot believe this, this could set us back immensely.” Siebren buries his face into his hands and he’s slumping over. He looks defeated and irritated and God you just wanted to give the poor man a hug. 

“I won’t allow it.” You say with determination. “Tomorrow we’re getting our prototypes and whatever else we need. I brought all the files I cleaned up early today-er, what’s left of them I mean.” You say while you stand up from your chair. “They’re in my car. I shall retrieve them, I’ll return shortly.” 

You stand and head to his entrance, shoving your chilled feet into your boots. When you open Siebren’s door, your heart ceases. Somehow in an hour a gentle snowfall has turned into a blizzard. The snow is almost to your waist and you feel anxiousness boil within you. 

“No…” you whisper. You try to step outside and shiver at the instant chill. “No no no… this can’t be happening!” 

“What is it?” Siebren calls from his kitchen. He stands and makes his way toward his front door, his eyes widening at the sight. “Oh dear. This isn’t good.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is gonna be short and... fulfilling. Time to get into the reality of the readers life.


	6. Alone Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Siebren share dinner together, then go to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!!!! I’m updating again because I really really REALLY wanted to post this chapter.......... eek im so excited!!! (I also feel terrible for disappearing for a month when y’all really love this story...)  
Anyway, I HOPE YALL ENJOY.

You begin to push past the snow and start using your hands to dig through the mounds. Almost instantly your bare hands begin to freeze and you’re shaking like a leaf. You huff desperately; “I have to get home before it gets worse-”

“Have you lost your mind?” Siebren snaps as he reaches out and grasps your arm. He pulls you towards him and you stumble into his chest with a surprised grunt. “You cannot drive through this madness, you’ll get into an accident!” 

“I have to!” You whine. You attempt to wiggle out of his grasp and fail miserably. “It’s not too late, I can-”

“Trust me, Y/N, you will not make it as far as you believe.” Siebren warns. He guides you inside and closes his door. He grumbled in annoyance at the snow pile that has poured onto his welcome mat. 

“I can’t stay here.” You say. 

“Why not?” Siebren asks while raising a brow. 

“It’s unethical. I’ll sleep in my car if I have to!” You exclaim and the Doctor rolls his eyes. You seethe through your teeth and cross your arms. “I’m serious.” 

“I know you are and I won’t let you.” Siebren says while he grabs your hand. Your body stiffens while he leads you towards his living room where his fireplace crackles peacefully. “I know it is odd and quite often frowned upon, but it wouldn’t sit well with me if I let you drive home during this weather. I would not be able to sleep with such worry.” He leads you to his couch and places a hand on your shoulder, gently forcing you to sit. “Goodness, you’re freezing. I will retrieve your tea. Please warm up before you catch a cold.” 

You’re already warm, in fact, your face is pink. Your blood rushes to your head and you heart begins to beat faster than ever. You wouldn't believe the situation you’re in, you’re stuck in another city, no less inside of the home of the man you admire the most. Your hands are no longer shaking from the cold. You feel a blanket thrown over your shoulders and Siebren places the teacup on the stained glass coffee table. 

“You’re shaking.” He states. 

“I’m… I’m fine.” You stutter. You feel the weight of the couch shift to the right as Siebren sits next to you. The warmth he radiates overpowers both the blanket and the fireplace. It’s almost intoxicating having him sit so close to you.

“I do not have a guest room, so you’ll stay in my room.” He deadpans. 

“No way. What do you mean you don’t have a guest room?” You hiss. 

“I turned it into my lab. I…” He trails off sheepishly. “I do not get many visitors so I thought I’d have no use for it.” 

You sigh and comb your hair back stressfully. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” 

“As if I could predict this sort of thing.” The Doctor snips. “I refuse to argue over this, Y/N. Do not worry about me.”

_ That’s not what I’m worrying about. _ You think to yourself. You begin to think about how it’s Siebren’s bed, his personal space, for goodness’ sake you used to watch this man at 2 am on a box television and now you’re sleeping in his bed. The very thought causes your stomach to churn and you lose your appetite for tea. 

“I’ll show you where you’ll be staying and afterwards I’ll prepare supper.” Siebren breaks the silence and stands from his seat. You’re frozen in place, lost in thought until you see him walk in front of you. You stand and notice your knees are weak, why is your mouth dry? Your hands and your neck is sweating and you’re thoughts ran carelessly, you determine to convince yourself that you must’ve already caught a cold. 

You keep the blanket wrapped around yourself, trying to comfort the boiling sensation of feelings in the pit of your stomach. You follow behind him down a wide and dimly lit hallway, you examine the pictures on his walls along the way. There’s framed pictures of him back in the day and when he first got into a university, graduating, clips of newspapers with essays written about his first discoveries in blackholes. But something catches your eye just before Siebren stops at the door at the end of the hallway. Four figures stand next to each other, the tallest figure appears to be Siebren while the three others were far younger than he is. They looked awfully like him in some aspects, the obvious steely glare, the sharp facial features, black hair and height. 

_ Could they be his family..? His… _ ** _children_**_? _

Your chest swells uncomfortably at the thought. 

You’re torn out of your thoughts by the click of Siebren opening the door that is followed by a loud and haunting creak. The room is eerily lit by the moonlight spilling through one window on the furthest side of the room. Siebren steps inside and turns on the light that slowly glows gold into his room. Without a word you step inside as well and wince at the powerful scent of his cologne. You look at the huge bed that took up 80% of his room and the single black nightstand next to it. Dozens of certificates hang on the wall over his bed stand and there’s a telescope next to the one window, along with a small desk full of files, notebooks and pens. 

“Your decor doesn’t surprise me.” Is all you can say. 

“What can I say? I enjoy simplicity.” He says as he holds both of his hands behind his back. “Now, I’m afraid that I do not have spare pajamas that would fit you perfectly but you could wear one of my shirts if you desire comfort-”

“I’ll make do with my clothes, thank you.” Your heart skips at the very thought of wearing one of Siebren’s shirts and his warm hospitality. Although you despised the idea of wearing tight fitting clothing to bed, you couldn’t imagine getting undressed in his room and putting on an article of clothing that’s touched his bare chest- 

_ Why’d I say no? _

“I have a restroom with a shower here as well, you don’t have to go to the restroom in the lab. That is about all there is to it.” Siebren turns to you, his cold eyes meeting yours. “Are you hungry?”

“A little.” You say, your stomach growling softly yet you have no desire to eat. 

“Settle in and warm up, I’ll call you when supper is finished.” Siebren tells you before heading out of his room, seemingly in a hurry. He closes the door behind him and you stand there, unable to move and unsure what to do with yourself, you shuffle over to his bed and sit. 

You instantly sink into the soft furniture, you grab the remote on the nightstand and notice that the bed is adjustable. You press the button that lowers the bed since you struggled to hop on top of it, then feel the covers. It’s made out of silk and you imagined how heavenly it would feel against your bare skin. 

“Maybe I’ll just test out how comfortable it really is…” You mutter as you slink over to the pillows. You lay your head down and slip underneath the covers, your body melting into the softness. You hum in delight when you’re enveloped with warmth and the faint scent of Siebren. 

You shift uncomfortably, your tights pulling on the bit of leg hair you have. You itch underneath your clothing and sigh in annoyance, it just didn’t feel right to lie in such a comfortable bed fully dressed. 

_Maybe I can just take off my tights for a second._ You think. Your thumbs hook at the hem of your tights and you hesitate before slowly slipping the garment off. 

A knock at the door causes you to jump in your skin and tug your leggings back up, still wrapped in his silk covers you sit upwards. “C...come in.” Your voice squeaks pathetically. The door opens and Siebren peeks inside, his borish expression turns to a bright smile. 

“Comfortable, isn’t it? I had it custom made.” He says as he steps inside. 

“All the more reason for me to sleep on your couch, this is literally made for you.” You grumble before you slip out from the sheets, your bare feet touching the marble floor. 

“Now, now, geachte, this is a matter I refuse to debate upon. Supper is almost ready, could you assist me?” He asks innocently. Without hesitation and words you follow behind him as he walks back to his kitchen, your eyes catching the photograph again. The two of you are now standing in his kitchen, the lovely smell of spices for curry waft throughout the home. Your mouth instantly waters and you cross your finicky arms behind your back, patiently awaiting orders. “Could you set the table? The tableware is all in the largest cabinet.” He says, now using a spoon to stir the curry. “I have been preparing this meal as soon as I got home, I hope you enjoy it.” 

“Without a doubt, Doctor de Kuiper.” You say confidently as you open the cupboards. You grab the silverware, then the cups, but when it came to the plates they were at the very top. You tiptoe and grunt in annoyance, you couldn’t possibly reach the plates without standing on something. You turn and grab a chair and drag it towards the cabinet. You adjust the chair and place one foot on top of it. 

“What are you doing?” The doctor asks over his shoulder. He turns to look and smirks, then sets down the spoon. “Please, allow me.” 

“Oh, thank you.” You say as you bring your leg down, now hugged against the counter, back towards your mentor out of childish embarrassment. Why does he have to be so tall?

Siebren walks up and grabs the chair, pulls it aside and then comes up behind you. His chest presses against your back for half a second as he easily grabs the plates. For a moment, Siebren becomes lightheaded from the intoxicating scent of your floral perfume. He swallows quietly, realising how close he is to you he quickly steps back. He sets the plates on the table and returns to his cooking. 

You’re frozen in place for what feels like an eternity, the ghost of Siebren still tickles your back and your whole body feels incredibly fuzzy and warm. Your mouth is now dry and you force yourself to regain control of your body. You stiffly begin to set the table for two, setting the plates across from each other you sit at your seat. It’s silent besides the continuous boil from the stove. 

You stare at the table as Siebren sets a plate before you. He then places his plate at the other end and he pours you a glass of water and then himself one. He gracefully sits down, pulling down his rolled up sleeves he picks up his fork and immediately digs in. 

“It looks amazing.” You praise. You soon begin to slowly pick at your meal, your posture as taut as the atmosphere. 

During the whole meal Siebren can tell that you’re obviously uncomfortable and his thoughts danced impulsively. Was it the body to body contact? Is it the fear of being snowed in for a few days? Is it the anxiety issues you suffer from? He does always nags you to visit a therapist, hoping that a retired therapist would finally take their own advice. Is he being a pushover? Why is he always so nervous when you’re close to him now a days, you’re just his assistant and nothing more. Yet he couldn’t help but imagine what would happen if he hadn’t stepped back, if he held you instead, and wonders what it felt like to hold you. 

After supper, you thank Siebren for his conviviality. It’s 10 pm now and after he denies your offer to help clean up, you excuse yourself to rest. This gives Siebren the privacy he hoped for, his face flusters to life from rare embarrassment. Ever since that night on the balcony he has been attempting to understand you more so that he can get closer to you, and it seems to be backfiring in his face. Maybe he was too bold and maybe he’s making moves too quickly, he thinks. All that he wanted was to be close to you. He begins to believe that he’s going all about it is wrong. The doctor rubs his eyes and sighs in distress. 

The more he attempts to understand you and his emotions he feels as if he’s more confused at the end of the day. He does see you as his assistant and another astrophysicist, but sometimes when you do little things like bring him tea and make him lunch, or when you play with your hair out of frustration, it's a whole other feeling. The little things made his head spin. The little things caused him to lose his train of thought and to trip over himself. The little things made his heart spring to life again. 

Siebren needed fresh air and proceeds to finish cleaning up, then stands outside on his back porch. The crisp air flows through his muddled mind yet it refuses to unwind. He sighs and clasps his hands, now deep in thought. 

When you return back to his room, you take this moment to stop and deeply analyse the picture. You came to the conclusion that the figures are in fact his children, it’s undeniable by the body language they have. Siebren is wrapping his arms around their shoulders and has a bright, fatherly smile. You look for a clue of the mother but find none, you find that odd. He must either be divorced or widowed, you thought. 

You unwillingly decide not to ask until he brings it up himself, despite the constant questions poking at your heart. You step back into Siebren’s room and attempt to fall asleep, constantly tossing and turning amongst the silky softness. You couldn’t understand why you can’t fall asleep when you’re so comfortable in every position you lay in. You realise that it isn’t your body that’s uncomfortable, it’s your mind. 

You sit up and groan, looking at your watch that tells you it’s almost midnight. You stand and decide to get a glass of water for your dry throat. You step out into darkness, the motion sensor lights slowly glow to life as your bare feet pad gently on the hardwood floors towards the kitchen. Siebren is nowhere in sight, it’s as if you’re the only one here. You grab a cup and quickly down the glass. 

“Siebren?” Your voice softly calls. No reply. You slowly creep into the living room and peek at the couch, surprised to find no one present you look around. You begin to think that you truly are the only one here now. 

You walk past the backdoors leading to his backyard and see a tall silhouette standing on the large deck. You press the glass to slide open, causing the man to jolt. He turns to you and eases when he sees that it’s just you. 

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you.” Your voice carries through silent snowfall. 

“No worries.” Siebren says as he turns his back to you. “Why are you awake?”

“I needed a glass of water, is all. Can’t sleep?” You ask as you step out, shivering from the cold sting of the hardwood. 

“Rest is out of the question for a genius such as myself.” Siebren replies as he rubs his hands together, his eyes cast downward. 

“Translation: My couch is uncomfortable.” You giggle. 

“Sometimes I think you are the only one in the universe who understands me.” Siebren heaves a defeated sigh. 

“I can sleep just about anywhere, give me a chair and I’ll sleep like a baby.” You say. You’re now standing next to him, looking up to the Doctor with begging eyes. “You should go to bed soon, we have to be awake in 7 hours.” 

“I know that, I just needed some fresh air to clear my mind.” He admits. 

Silence. You bite the inside of your cheek and choose your next words carefully. You desperately want to pry open his Pandora’s box and ask a million questions. You wanted to ask about his possibly family and his past. You’ve told him so much about yourself and you realise that he hasn’t said a single thing about his past. Sure, you knew about his accomplishments in life but not his struggles. You think you’re falling in love with him when you don’t genuinely know him, in that moment you feel indescribably foolish. 

“I-I…” Your voice cracks barely above a whisper. 

“Hm?” Siebren hums as he looks at you. 

Your mind twists as does your stomach and you can’t bring yourself to say what's on your mind. Your mouth is open and your breath catches in your throat. “Sleep with me.” Is all that leaves your mouth, something that you didn’t even think of until that very moment. You curse at your subconscious for its inability to think of replies on the spot. 

“What?” Siebren sputters in disbelief. 

“It’s-It’s the only logical… solution?” You wouldn't believe what you’re saying, it’s as if your heart has taken the reigns to your mind. Siebren continues to stare at you, his lips slightly parted and his eyes shimmer with confusion and an unexplainable feeling. “We, er, can use pillows as a divider?”

“I-I couldn’t possibly allow myself to intrude like that-“ He begins, his chest suddenly set ablaze. 

“It’s your bed, Siebren. I’m the intruder.” You insist. 

“You are welcomed and highly respected guest.” Siebren butts in. There’s that feeling again, that feeling that sparks suddenly when you’re close to him, when you look at him, when you say his name, even when your hand sometimes brushed his. He couldn’t understand it yet he could all at the same time. Something he accepted, wondered and dreamed of, denied and fought against. 

“Please.” You beg, your voice sweet and soft yet powerful enough to bring Siebren to his knees. “Please, Siebren.” 

_ Why, _he wanted to ask. _ Why do you have to say it like that. _ You could’ve just demanded him to sleep in his bed and you on his uncomfortable couch. You could’ve just accepted his stubbornness and go to bed. You could’ve done anything else and he would’ve been perfectly fine with it. 

“...okay.” Is all he could manage to say. Why couldn’t he say no? He can say no and he doesn’t want to. You reach for his freezing hand, the warmth from your hand sends shocks across his fridget skin. Slowly you lead him to the sliding door, your eye contact never breaking. Siebren could see a familiar look in your eyes, worry and care and kindness. 

_ Love? _ He wonders. _ Impossible. _

Slowly, he follows behind you, your grip is firm and reassuring. The silence that was once tense dissipates the longer he’s near you. You open the door, close it behind him, and usher the taller man towards his bed. He takes the left side and watches as you grab all of your pillows to create a short wall between you two. 

“We’ll have to share a blanket, since you seem to only have one.” You say as you spread the large comforter out. 

_ I have another in my closet _, Siebren thinks. 

Yet he doesn’t say another word and instead slips underneath the comforter and settles into the silk sheets. He tenses up as he feels the weight of the bed slightly shift and hears you breathe out. 

“Do you want one of my pillows?” Siebren quietly asks. 

“Please.” You whisper as if into his ear. 

Somehow, Siebren melts further into the bed. His head is spinning again and his heart refuses to calm down as he places the pillow on your body. You reach out from underneath the blanket and snuggle your head into the fluffiness. 

For an hour, Siebren is silent. If he could hardly rest his eyes before he certainly couldn’t now. The very idea of you close to him made him flustered and now you’re in the same bed. How could he possibly sleep? You presences has always caused him to act out of character and unpoised, giddy like a child at a candy shop. 

You shift after laying still for an hour and sigh. “Still can’t sleep?” Your voice is light and sympathetic. “Maybe it’s because of my presence, I can leave if you want.” You sit upwards. Your heart is fluttering and you couldn’t breathe right, for some reason your skin is hot and you’re shaking. You begin to wonder if you’re sick but you know that’s not it. 

You feel a hand on your arm. “Stay.” Siebren whispers. “Please.” 

“_Why_.” You whisper to each other as if this is a secret to be kept from the world. The back of your throat stings and you feel his grip tighten, your eyes well from random tears of overwhelming feelings. 

“Because,” the doctor’s voice is weak. “Because…” 

“This is wrong.” Your voice wavers pathetically. “This was a mistake doctor, I-”

“Y/N.” Siebren says. 

“I should’ve never came here, I should’ve, I should’ve…” you feel tears flow down your cheeks, your face now burning. 

“Stop.” He sternly demands. 

“You have a family.” You snap suddenly. “This is wrong of me. You have a family, you have children, you have a wife-”

“I _ had _ a family.” Siebren interrupts. Your heart ceases in your chest and you’ve turned to stone. “I _ had _ children, they’re well into their 20s.” He pauses for a few seconds, the sound of snow pelting against the window echoes through the large room. “I-I _ had _ a wife, she... Is this what this is about? Why you’ve been so tense and cold?” 

“No, no of course not.” You sputter. 

“What is it then, Y/N?” You can feel him sitting upwards and you could only see a black figure. The moonlight casts onto your face, Siebren can see the glistening tears and your soft lips and your beautiful face. He reaches upwards and his thumb gently brushes against the tears, his heart aches for you as you press your face into his palm. 

“I care about you.” You say and you feel the emotions that you’ve pent up for years spill out of your heart. “I care about you so much and I… I don’t know why, I don’t know what’s wrong with me-” you hiccup. “I don’t know what to do… about it.” 

Silence. A reaction you didn’t pray for. 

“My late wife… died 20 years ago.” Siebren’s wise voice slices through the silence mercilessly. “My children, mijn God, I love them dearly but they live their own lives. They hardly visit me, I told you I do not get visitors.” 

You’re shocked, sad and relieved all at once. Shocked to hear about his late wife and his children hardly speaking to him, sad to have pushed the man to speak upon topics he probably didn’t want to talk about, and sickly relieved to have not forced your way into a family’s content life. You sit there and notice that Siebren’s large hand is still cusping your damp cheek, his shoulders slouched and his head bowed. The atmosphere is thick with sorrowful regrets, the man is obviously hiding something but you don’t want to pry any further out of fear of uncovering something that you don’t want to know. 

“I’m sorry, I just… I hardly know you and yet I feel all these… _ things _ for you.” You hesitate for a few seconds. “I saw the picture on your wall and my curiosity got the better of me. I just want to understand you.” You explain feebly. 

Siebren thinks he’s dreaming or hallucinating, but the warmth he feels from you tells him otherwise. All this time you’ve felt the same way about him and he mistook your actions for discomfort. “You care about me?” Siebren’s voice is unrecognisable, vulnerable and scared. He doesn’t sound like he’s crying though, just incredibly sad. 

“That, that came out wrong.” You mutter, you feel as if you’re about to faint. What exactly you were thinking, you didn’t know. “I meant… I meant that I… I like you, I mean, I…” 

“You scare me sometimes, geachte, I thought I was alone in these feelings.” Siebren says through a somber smile. “You really are the only one who understands my emotions and my thoughts.” 

The two of you remain silent, there was nothing more that had to be said and you then lay back down, your hand now holding his between the wall of pillows that you refuse to bring down. This bit of contact was enough for the both of you at the moment, all the both of you truly needed. Siebren wanted to ask for your consent to hold your hand but it seems that you wanted it, since your hand tightens around his when he tries to gently pull away. He smiles, then closes his eyes and listens to your breathing, the world around him finally stops spinning. 

For the first time in years, the two of you slept peacefully. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so the reason why they don’t say I love you is bc they’re simply not ready for love yet. that’s it! these two.... SO WHOLESOME! I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Quick edit: yes I gave some NOT CANON lore to sigma bc I sometimes feel like there’s not a ton for me to work with when it comes to certain situations... solution? NOT CANON LORE!


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